the ask@AAR: What do we think about all that butt stuff?
OK, it’s a thing. I’ve just read my third contemporary romance in a row in which fingers find their way into what is often referred to the back door. This is an equal opportunity experience–men and women are both the doers and the do-ees. This isn’t anal sex, per se, in fact I’ve not seen a lot of that in m/f romance lately.
I grew up in what I think of as the pre-butt era. I honestly, other than my gay friends, never heard anyone talking about having anal sex until the late 80s. I think if a boyfriend had tried to slip me the finger, I would have yelped and pulled away. It just wasn’t in my frame of reference.
These days, it’s just another thing I read about in romance and am happy there are so many things that give people pleasure. That said, here at AAR, all things butt related in m/f romance usually bump up our sensuality rating. Maybe it’s time to change that?
What do you think?
Ummm, yes. That should be a bump up and also would appreciate the heads up on it as well. Zero desire to read that.
Rating a book “hot” won’t automatically tell you if it has anal sex; it’s just an indication that perhaps there are a lot of sex scenes, or there’s some kink or toys or ménage etc.
Two consenting adults having sex however they want to have it – without any of the things I’ve listed above – gets a warm rating.
I will say I think that’s changed here over the years. For a very long time, most of our hot reviews were about two consenting adults doing whatever they wished but if what they wished involved anal sex, BDSM, or explicit language, those love stories were rated hot.
It’s my sense that warm/hot are in the pen of the reviewer even now. They are, to steal from Barbossa, more like guidelines rather than rules.
Yes, I meant to type ” gets a warm rating NOW” and somehow left off the “now”…
It would be interesting to ask our reviews what is HOT for them in a review as opposed to WARM.
For me, it’s actually not about the act, but about the depth of the description.
“It just wasn’t in my frame of reference”. Nor mine but I don’t mind reading about it in a novel. We are all different so a variety of things appeal to us and different partners may have a range of ideas or tastes to offer. I once mentioned having “regular” vaginal sex during my period to my mother and I thought she would pass out from shock. Lots of things come and go, in and out of fashion or within or without or our own desires.
I’ve kept my ratings at warm for the majority of books I’ve read that contain 2 partners regardless of what kind of sex they’re having, but I bump it up if it’s gets more kinky (BDSM wise) or has multiple partners.
Here for it, just please throw in a line or two about lube, authors.
I thought that m/f anal intercourse had been used throughout history as a way to avoid pregnancy, but I can’t remember where I got that idea from!
I seem to remember reading that somewhere, too, but I can’t remember where, either!
https://muvs.org/en/topics/contraception/what-women-in-antiquity-used-to-do-for-contraception-en/
Hah, of course it was the Greeks and Romans!
I suspect that I might have first come across it in a 1960s novel though. Possibly The Country Girls by Edna O’Brien?
Perhaps it’s the company I kept, but anal sex in m/f relationships was definitely talked about and practiced by people I knew back in the 70’s when I was in my teens/early twenties. And while not as common as vaginal or oral sex, it was not way out there either. At that time I don’t think people automatically associated it with m/m sex.It was just sex play. I wonder if the increased push for gay rights and the backlash of more aggressive homophobia made anal play or anal sex less common. Maybe men and even women started associating it more with “gays” and didn’t want to participate? Just a random thought.
I agree with everyone else here that backdoor play alone shouldn’t raise any heat ratings. With the rise in popularity of such toys as butt plugs, it seems pretty mainstream these days.
A study done a few years ago showed that 30-40% of women had tried anal sex. I suspect it’s skews with age.
But which age? I’m 66 and I’d say 30-40% of the women I knew in my 20’s had at least tried it. I admit after I was married I was less likely to talk about sex with my friends, but I figure it would be similar. I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been consistently 30-40% for at least my life time, and probably further back than that. Honestly, I thought it was more common, given people seem to enjoy sex play and sex toys of all kinds and it’s just one more facet.
I’m also 66 but I can’t recall it ever being mentioned. From memory, discussions centred much more around the ‘g spot’ and how long you’d been on the Pill!
Haha! Like I said, maybe it was the company I kept. I was working on the backside of thoroughbred racetracks, following the racing meets around NJ, DE, MD, PA and VA from 18 to mid 20’s. ::shrugs:: It was not a tame crowd. :-)
I dunno. I have asked tons of people about it over the years. In my age group, the nays vastly outnumber the yays. In the 40 age group, it begins to change.
I agree with both DDD and Virginia. Gender or sexual orientation shouldn’t come into it. I know we don’t change ratings on older books, but I cringed a while back when I saw an m/m book with a “burning” rating because it contained anal sex. At least we’ve moved on since then.
I’m in agreement with Virginia that “butt stuff” shouldn’t be a determining factor regarding sensuality ratings. When I’m reading (whether m/f or m/m), I’m unconcerned about what body part goes in what other body part as long as everyone involved is consenting and a legal adult. However (and I’m sure I’ve said this before), I think characters in Romancelandia must have access to some of the most high-tech bidets on the planet since everyone is always so pink and clean and fresh in that particular area.
“laughs”
Dr. Feelgood and I went out to dinner last week with old friends–she’s an old friend, he’s her partner of the past five years–and ended up talking about back channel interest and experience. The women in the discussion were not a fan for exactly the reason you mention. That didn’t both the men at all!
Honestly, the same could be said of oral sex. You are literally putting your mouth where people pee. We’ve been reading books about oral sex during historical times when people rarely bathed, or any number of contemporary situations where no washing is available or at least not done. While a washcloth wouldn’t go amiss, I’m as willing to go with the flow in anal sex as I am in oral sex. There just has to be lube of some sort. Ouch!
This reminds of something I read somewhere (or heard someone say) and honestly have no way of crediting, but the sentiment went, “Why in the world did The Maker have to put the playground right next to the waste treatment facility?”
I don’t think that the specific acts people do in the scene should affect the sensuality rating/meter/whatever. It should be how detailed the scene is, how long, and potentially how many scenes there are. Butt stuff being considered more explicit than penis/vagina stuff is leftover societal homophobia IMO. Pleasure is pleasure regardless of the body parts involved.
I think you’re probably right. It’s also pretty new in m/f romance comparatively speaking. I think the first romance I read that had anal sex in it was in 2009–Beth Kerry’s Sweet Restraint which was marketed as erotic fiction even though it’s a romance. The first time I encountered it in historical romance was in a book where she was a bookseller–I remember this scene where the leads had planned to finally break “this final barrier” and the hero was so excited as he followed her up the stairs. (Now I want to know what that book was.)
I can think of a couple of historicals where there’s a bit of anal play using fingers (Bec McMaster’s The Mech Who Loved Me has a brief instance) but I can’t remember the one you mention. Now I’m wracking my brains too…
It’s old–15 years? 10?
Pam Rosenthal’s The Bookseller’s Daughter?
YES!!!!!!
I remember it caused a stir at the time. I think she also wrote one Almost A Gentleman?
Not the specific book you reference (Chrisreader identifies that below), but Robin Schone had several such scenes her books written in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s. Her books were considered at the higher end of the heat level at the time they appeared.
Schone and Bertrice Small are the only two authors that were considered “mainstream romance” that did at the time.