the ask@AAR: What brought you comfort and joy in 2021?
This time last year, I hoped that the worst of 2020 wouldn’t follow me into 2021. And while that didn’t happen, I did find much to celebrate in 2021 perhaps because the past two years have taught me to find joy, laughter, and love wherever I can.
Here are a few things that made my soul shine this year.
The compassion and support of AAR’s readers
Every day, I spend time at AAR and just bask in the love that is here for the site, for romance, and for each other. It’s a gift and I can’t thank you enough. It’s an endless source of virtual hugs, insight, and humor. On top of that, this year AAR readers donated over $6500 to the site via our Paypal link. Many have included notes like these:
As a reader and an author, thank you for the breadth and variety of reviews you post!
Thank you for all the wonderful, insightful reviews! Even if I don’t necessarily agree with the reviewer, I feel like I learn something from each one. Keep up the great work! :)
Thank you for the amazing resources and reviews!
These donations will allow us to stay online, to give generous gift cards to our writers, and to continue to improve the site. In a year where the news was often grim, the generosity here has been a balm.
Music for me made by me
I am an aural person and music is a literal drug for me. When I need to feel happy/sad/optimistic/sappy/sexy/energetic or almost any other emotion, I listen to tunes. Back in the day, I made cassette tapes, then moved to CDs and thumb drives. Had you told my teenage self that someday I could pick from millions of songs and put them together in endless combinations I and my friends could listen to, I’d have gaped. It’s one of my favorite gifts from modern technology. In the past year, I’ve made countless playlists, each curated to my very specific needs. I made one for my 60th birthday, one for the holidays, one of Joni Mitchell covers, one of new releases that grabbed me, and more. As I write, I’m listening to my easy listening combo. And smiling.
The perfection that is Eric and Tami Taylor
When Dr. Feelgood is his very best husband, I tell him he’s winning the Eric Taylor award. Honestly, if there’s ever been a better TV partnership, hell, I’m not even going there because NO. The Taylors are the GOAT. Over five seasons on Friday Night Lights–which we are watching for the second time–viewers knew that no matter what, Eric and Tami would be there for each other, respecting each other, loving each other, making each other smile, running for the bedroom, parenting like they were mainlining Dr. Spock channeling Oprah. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose–it’s the maxim for (marital) glory.
How Coda made me feel
My mom loves movies. So when she comes to visit, I find films that she, I, and Dr. Feelgood will like. I sold them both on watching Coda by telling them that it had a 95% rating on both Google and on Rotten Tomatoes. When the final credits rolled, Dr. Feelgood said “95% is too low.” Coda is joyful, representational, funny, aspirational, and a damn joy. In a year where the top show on Netflix is the horrifyingly grim Squid Game, I am so grateful AppleTV gave us Coda. It and Ted Lasso made AppleTV worth every penny.
The rule the world glory that is Lil Nas X
Not satisfied with crashing through the utterly arbitrary genre rules Billboard and radio had in 2019, Lil Nas X continued his gatecrashing ways in 2021 by letting the world know that being young, gay, hot as hell, and able to overcome any wardrobe malfunction is the way to rule the airwaves. THAT’S WHAT I WANT is an anthem for us all–I want someone who love me/I need someone who needs me/’Cause it don’t feel right when it’s late at night/And it’s just me in my dreams/So I want someone to love, that’s what I fucking want. And don’t even get me started on the brilliance of Montero. The man, just 22, makes me think the future will be OK.
The virtues of Will Trent and Eric Dalton
Much of my reading in 2021 was thrillers for which I blame Karin Slaughter and Kelley Armstrong. (I discovered both authors through AAR readers so AGAIN, thank you!) I love romance novels but this year, I needed the insane pull of a stellar suspense novel to distract me every night before I try, usually in vain, to sleep. I read Triptych, the first Will Trent book, in April and then read all ten Will Trent books, all six Grant County books, and two of Slaughter’s stand alones. Suddenly thriller bereft in June, I began the Rockton books and read all seven of those. And yes, Slaughter’s propensity for violence against women isn’t my favorite and there are logical impossibilities in the Rockton-verse but oh, Will and Eric are such wonderful heroes that I JUST DON’T CARE. Just thinking about Eric getting Casey a dog and Will trusting Sara with his dyslexia gives me all the feelings.
I also loved:
The work and intelligence of Caz and all the reviewers here. They are what makes AAR and they are, each and every one, phenomenal women.
The support and compassion of all those who comforted me when I put my dog Sophie down for biting, especially my friend Carolyn who went with me and sat by me as I held Sophie for the last time.
The text chain I have with my siblings where we share things that matter and things that absolutely don’t but just make us laugh.
The cups of coffee my husband makes for me every morning before he goes to work.
Watching my adult children form their own profound connections with each other.
Getting Queen Bee every day no matter how hard it is.
My Aura photo frame that helps me remember all the joyous memories from the past.
Being part of Carrboro United–it was such a gift to be able to help keep my community going and get to eat fabulous food.
How about you? What gave you joy this year?
Thank you for a lovely post Dabney!
I’m always grateful for family members – who are thankfully currently healthy and have always “been there” for each other, regardless of what is happening. But in the last couple of years:
I’m grateful for time with friends. People have busy lives but the last couple of years has demonstrated that time is the greatest gift we have to offer one another. What a luxury to just sit on the patio or deck and be together.
I’m grateful for all the hard-working, compassionate first responders and “boots on the ground” folks everywhere who show up every day; and do the best they can with what they have.
I’m grateful for AAR and everyone who contributes and comments (see note above about the gift of time for one another).
I’m grateful for public libraries and public radio and independent newspapers and independent bookstores.
This year I was moved to increase my support for a lot of things that in the past, I appreciated and/or used but didn’t didn’t feel personally responsible for. I donated more to my libraries and several other charities. I bought more books–if I’d read anything I liked by the author, I tried to buy their newest to support them (even the big names like Lee Child. Paid full price for that Reacher book and regret nothing). I donated to AAR, too. The pandemic I guess has drive home to me how easily things I really like, and kind of take for granted, can just…vanish.
The thing that gave me the most joy this year was watching my three daughters (all in their twenties) truly blossom into kind, caring, responsible, funny, friendly adults. Our oldest daughter (who is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum) is living independently, working full-time, and is very active in community theater. She has a solid group of friends and several of them (vaccinated and masked) went to Disney World on vacation together. It’s been a long road, but I’m so proud of the life she is creating for herself. Our younger daughters (twins) are both working full-time. One lives about 90 miles away, but comes home most weekends. The other still lives at home, but is saving money to go to Graduate School next year. One twin is a knitter, the other a baker. Watching them develop, pursue, and enjoy their hobbies has been a great joy.
It goes without saying that reading has been, as always, a great comfort and joy for me. Reading has always been my go-to activity (there are photos of me, in a hospital room, in labor, reading MIDDLEMARCH), and this year I may get close to reading 300 books—I’m at about 275 right now. I’ve also enjoyed some comforting tv shows: The Great British Baking Show, The Great Pottery Thrown Down, Blown Away (art glass), and the joy that is the 24/7 Midsomer Murders, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and America’s Test Kitchen/Cook’s Country channels on Roku.
Listening to music also gives me great joy. Spotify tells me that the artist I listened to most this year was Miles Davis, which makes sense because when I read I don’t like to listen to music with lyrics (I find it distracts me), but mid-century jazz is perfect ambient music for background while reading. I love Davis’s “Kind of Blue” and “Sketches of Spain” albums and, especially, his moody, downbeat score for the 1960 French noir film, “Ascenseur Pour L’Echafaud” (“Elevator to the Gallows”). Spotify also informs me that the song I’ve listened to most this year (a “perfectly reasonable” 43 times) is Bebe Rexha’s “Sacrifice (Gorgon City Remix)”—which also makes sense because, when I’m doing anything other than reading, I like EDM music—which is to me the perfect blending and evolution of my two favorite musical genres: Disco and 1980s New Wave. Other songs I listened to a “reasonable” amount of times include “San FranDisco” by Dom Dolla, “Dance Your Ass Off” by Hamilton Bohanon, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd (I guess he gave the missing “e” to Megan Thee Stallion), and “Black Madonna” by Cage the Elephant.
Dabney, reading your blog today put a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. You have a lovely way with words, and your gratitude shines through every one. I am grateful for the AAR blog, and how you use it to foster community, bring us smiles, keep us informed and let us opine on so many topics while keeping us all civil and compassionate. Although I do not post often, I read it almost daily. I love getting book tips from readers, insights on the world of romance, analysis of characters or books, etc. It is a lot more fun than reading the newspaper! I am grateful for the community of readers who post and share their wisdom. Many of you have read romance for decades and have a wealth of knowledge, which really helps newer readers like me. Finally, I am thankful for the wonderful team of reviewers here. They have steered me toward some fabulous books while keeping me away from the stinkers. And I have to say the reviews of the stinkers can be hilarious. Thank you to the entire AAR team and community, I am so grateful for all of you!
Lovely post, Dabney! I try hard to count my blessings and during the past (almost) two years, I’ve been making a bigger effort to do so. I have been comforted by my long and happy marriage to a man I adore, our reasonably good health, our tiny and lovely village in the Cotswolds and the many friends and neighbours we have, my return to volunteering in June with the National Trust, my ever increasing TBR pile comprised of a wide range of books, BBQs during a pretty good English summer on our patio, my gorgeous reading companion: Lydia – my little black cat curled up in my lap. I’ve been thrilled, if not comforted by the disruption, with my new kitchen and utility room and other renovations we’ve made to our home in lieu of two cancelled holidays. I am comforted that we and all of our friends have now been triple-jabbed and all of us so far have avoided getting Covid. I am delighted that AAR is receiving income to support it and I admire Dabney and Caz for all of their hard work. AAR is part of the fabric of my life and I appreciate so much all who come here to share. Lastly, my Christmas comfort blanket has FINALLY arrived and I am now 200 pages into nearly 1,000 of Go Tell the Bees that I am Gone by Diana Gabaldon. Long wait for it but loving it as are several of my reading friends.
Reading is what brought me the greatest comfort and joy this past year. Prior to the pandemic, I spent more time watching TV than reading but it has shifted quite a bit the other way. I greatly appreciate the reviews and recommendations on AAR and have discovered many new authors/books. I have also enjoyed becoming a more active member of the AAR community. For years (decades!) I was read-only but I started commenting in the past 2 years and I love the engagement with other lovers of romances. Maybe this reflects a need for more connection in these COVID times? Regardless, it has enriched my life and I am grateful.
That is not to say that I don’t watch TV anymore – I do! And what a wealth of riches we have with all the streaming networks. I adored Ted Lasso and I am a big fan of Mindy Kaling so I was so happy to watch season 2 of Never Have I Ever and her latest, The Sex Lives of College Girls (a show that is not actually about sex but rather about female friendships and the growing pangs of the college experience – I highly recommend it). I also really enjoyed Only Murders in the Building – the juxtaposition of Selena Gomez with Steve Martin and Martin Short was super entertaining and the mystery had some twists that I didn’t predict.
I didn’t watch as many movies this year but Dabney, I did see CODA and loved it. I have watched the ending many, many times and it always makes me teary-happy.
Lovely post Dabney! I found joy binge watching reality tv cooking/baking shows this year with my husband and my 17 year old daughter. (or was that last year? Truthfully 2020 and 2021 are all blended into one in my head). What else brings me joy is my 13 year old son, 6 ft 3 towering over me (and making sure to remind me that I’m now short at 5 ft 9), making sure to give me a hug and tell me he loves me every day.
When my youngest son shot above me–he was a late bloomer and didn’t hit 6’3″ until he was 16–not only did he love to tease me about being short, he took to picking me up and putting me outside when we disagreed. (All done with shouts of laughter and giggles on both sides.)
He’s now 25 and lives in NYC and I miss that!
TV helped me get by this year. Between watching old movies that I loved and “Schimadoon” on Apple, and on network TV: “Young Sheldon, “The US and Al,” and the new series, “Home Economics,” plus writing emails to my friends–as well as talking to others on the phone–this year was no where near as bad as I expected. I also got two shots and the booster for which I thank the drug companies, the doctors, nurses, and God. These immunizations gave me hope.
I also splurged on flowers, even if it was only one rose for $2.50 so my soul could enjoy absolute beauty. Oddly enough, I find that reading did not engage me as I expected, probably because I have become totally intolerant of suspense or cruelty in fiction.
My advice to people: buy yourself some flowers. They’re even better than Oreos.
I really like Home Economics too – the interactions between the 3 siblings are so real and I find the show really funny!
I buy a cheap bunch at Trader Joe’s every week. They brighten my life as do the potted flowers I have on my deck. I ADORE flowers and agree they are art for the soul.
Your blog is so uplifting! Thanks for sharing. Did you see the Ted Lasso, animated short, The Missing Christmas Mustache (on YouTube)? I just saw a fun trailer for a new movie, The Lost City, scheduled to com out in March 2022. It stars Sandra Bullock as a reclusive author on an adventure. The trailer (on YouTube) is awesome and worth checking out. It includes some other big stars.
I will check both out! Thanks.
I just saw the trailer,too! It looks like so much fun. The Lost City might just entice me to a theater to watch it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAZYDYfC_24
Ted Lasso brought me much joy this year and the animated short was so fun! Season 2 had one of the best Christmas episodes I’ve ever seen.
I agree that The Lost City looks fabulous. And Sandra Bullock is a romance novelist! Reminds me of Romancing the Stone…
As with 2020, listening to audiobooks helped me cope by letting me escape,but also by filling my life with well-written stories and happy endings. I’m grateful to the authors and narrators for all their hard work, and to the reviewers for bring many of these books to my attention.
Reading reviews each day here and at Audiogals is something I really enjoy and look forward to. I also enjoy the comments and the community here which, although sometimes frustrating, is always worth it. The women here are intelligent and insightful and they stretch my knowledge and understanding.
Perhaps my largest single doses of happy each week is my volunteer work. Horses have always been my first love, and although I haven’t been able to afford one for decades, I now get my horse fix by volunteering at a riding therapy center. I have a regular volunteer time each Tuesday afternoon for several hours leading the horses for lesson for disabled children and adults, and then I volunteer one or two more times each week. I get the horse ready, and during the lesson I focus on making sure the horse is safe and happy. Last winter they invited me to join their weekly trail ride where we ride a few horses on the trails around the facility, giving the horses some zen time in the woods. These horses are marvelously calm and gentle, but they have a demanding job with often wiggly, sometimes loud, and always unpredictable riders. They have to tolerate people walking close beside them on both sides, which goes against their prey animal instincts. So they need a break with an experienced rider doing something calm. I love this chance to ride again.
Horses are wonderful therapy animals because since they are prey animals, they live completely in the present, instinctively watching for danger. When you are handling them, you are “forced” to be in the present as well. When I’m there I don’t think about my stresses and my anxiety level decreases to almost zero. It’s me and the horses,handling them, grooming them, leading them and kissing their noses.
Of course my husband is a constant source of love and companionship. I sit about 6 ft from him most days since he’s still working from home. I love the closeness and can’t wait until he retires.
The pandemic found three of my children at home, so we’ve had a full house for the past three years. While it has it definite stresses, it’s also been a great source of company and joy.