the ask@AAR: Is Romance body positive?

I don’t know if I have anything left to say that hasn’t already been said or is all that important or makes that much sense, but considering that I’ve been working on this since Friday night when there were only two comments posted, leaving this unposted would feel kind of silly. And like a lot of work for nothing. Even if I am, once again, late. So here goes.

My understanding of the romance genre is far from comprehensive, but when I think about the older books vs. newer books I’ve read there is a noticeable shift towards more diverse appearances especially when it comes to heroines’ looks. I’ve found this a refreshing and welcome change, and hope that the progress continues and the changes will be extended to heroes as well.

I think there are probably always going to be physical ideals of some kind, appearances that represent each society’s standards of beauty. There have been for thousands of years, after all, and while the ideals have changed with times, they’ve never gone away, and I can’t really see that happening now or in the future either.

I think the current ideal of physical beauty is in the process of broadening, which I find wonderful. But I doubt there’ll ever be a time when all shapes, sizes, and appearances are considered equally ideal. However, I’ve always believed in the concept of human dignity, according to which all people hold a special value that is tied solely to their humanity. It has nothing to do with their class, race, gender, religion, abilities, age, appearances or any other factor other than them being human. This, I believe, is something that’s not unrealistic for humans to embrace as a universal principle according to which treat each other, even if we still have a way to go yet, so that people of all shapes, sizes, and appearances are considered equally valuable and worthy of the same dignity, love, and respect.

I reckon there’ll probably always be romances with people who represent the ideal beauty falling in love with people who represent the ideal beauty. There might even be lots of them. This type of framework seems to resonate with a big group of readers, and I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with it. It is a fantasy, and I think people are aware of it. It’s just important that the fantasy is not maintained by denigrating others such as making the only unpleasant character in the story someone who doesn’t represent the ideal beauty.

What I think romance genre offers more now and hopefully increasingly so in the future, is the much needed and appreciated alternative to the mentioned fantasy. Some of the stories might be considered wish fulfillment – nothing wrong with it either – but personally I like these stories because they often feel more realistic yet with a touch of romance fairy dust. What is considered ideal by society’s standards and what individual humans consider attractive don’t always go hand in hand, after all, and all kinds of looking people fancy all kinds of looking people all the time all around the world.

I don’t read romance expecting the characters to be attractive to me. I learned early on that my idea of attractive is not often featured in romance novels. Then again, very different looking people can be attractive to me, depending on who they are and what they do, including the tall, abs, and inverted triangle men. So as long as the author can sell me the romance – not just lust, but the romance – between the love interests then I’m alright.

What I wouldn’t mind if I never saw again is linking people’s physical appearances with the way they act. Assholes come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genders, ages, abled and disabled bodies. And so do awesome people. If you want to emphasize how horrible someone is, you’re going to have to do better than describe their looks and expect readers to be even more appalled. What kind of ass-backwards logic is that? Everybody deserves better.

So is romance genre body positive? As a whole, as in ready and done – no. But I think the first baby steps are being taken in the right direction.

The ideal woman’s body is ALWAYS whatever is the hardest to attain. When you look at scandalous (nude) pictures and sculptures of women in the past, I am struck by how rounded they are, that they are never a size zero. When the specter of starvation was common (either through bad harvests or poverty), the ideal woman was “curvy,” and sometimes even fat.

I asked the homeless shelter that I sometimes supply part of a meal to, “What kind of milk I should buy?” I was told by one homeless man who ate there, “Skim. We don’t want the extra calories.” So, in this land of food plenty, the ideal woman’s figure is that of a 12 year old with breast implants. TV and movies have all their anorexic actresses with one heavy woman thrown in to show how caring the producer is.

People who object to positive portrayal of fatter women may be right to object, fearful that such inclusion of women may lead to people’s acceptance of unhealthy eating and exercise habits. BUT I never hear these same people complain about casting of “overweight” men, especially in comedies and romances. And too often, such health concerns are just camouflage for prejudice when these speakers can’t say, “Fat women are disgusting looking.”

All species, regardless of whether they are birds, lizards, or humans, are hot wired to want the most healthy, most attractive mate possible. It’s part of evolution.

If body positivity in romance means depicting people with a variety of physical features and body shapes as all deserving of love and relationships then I would argue that the genre has been doing this for a long time already. I do agree that romance novels have a large proportion of beautiful people. However, there have always been romances where one of the main characters was not conventionally good-looking. Who hasn’t read a romance where one character notices a specific physical trait that they like about the other (such as eyes or lips) then as they get to know each other over time, the other character becomes more and more beautiful in the eyes of the first character? Of course this is due to the combination of the physical and personality but we romance readers are not all about the looks! When Medievals were more popular decades ago, there was often a scarred warrior who was considered ugly but there was a fair maiden who found him attractive. Then there were Regency romances where the hero had been scarred or maimed in wars. In recent years, I think we are seeing a broader array of body types, especially in contemporary romances. Olivia Dade’s Spoiler Alert has a plus-size heroine and I believe many of her recent books also do. Avery Flynn’s Butterface is about a woman whose face is considered ugly and her book Muffin Top has a plus-sized heroine. Chloe Liese’s Always Only You has a heroine with rheumatoid arthritis who has to use a cane. In many of the M/M books I have read, one of the two main characters is often conventionally attractive but the other is not, although I admit it seems most common for the other character to just be unathletic and thin but sometimes they are described as having a “Dad bod”. I have read a lot of books, both M/F and M/M where one character considers themselves ordinary – brown hair, brown eyes, “regular’ body – yet the other character notices them. It may be that the majority of romances still have beautiful people but I think romance does do its part by portraying characters of multiple physical types finding partners who find them attractive and worthy of love. 

What a fascinating question for this week’s ASK. I’ve enjoyed reading all the responses so far and agree with a lot of the points made. Allow me to itemize my thoughts on the subject of body positivity in romance.

1) I agree with everyone here who has said that heroines get a bit more leeway with their weight and appearance than heroes, at least in general. True, most of the protagonists in romance novels I have read fall into the thin to average to athletic weight/size range. Now and then, a heroine might be considered “homely” (but she actually isn’t because it’s romance land) or have some extra padding (but not too much!) or be “curvy.” But as for explicitly plus sized heroines? In my own reading, I can’t recall any. I did appreciate, however, that the two heroines in the f/f The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows had what I would consider realistic middle aged bodies. Maybe the fact it was an f/f rather than m/f made a difference in the presentation.

2) Getting back to heroes, there are far fewer body types presented, at least in the m/f I have read. Or, if the hero is physically disabled, it is usually because he was injured doing a badass alpha male job (cop, fireman, soldier, etc.) So that makes his injury/disfigurement “okay” or even attractive. Outside of that, there are an inordinate number of heroes over six feet tall with washboard abs- particularly in HR where such dimensions would have been unlikely. Or, if HR writers want to avoid that particular fantasy, lo and behold, the hero is the tallest man in the room! Thanks heavens because we couldn’t expect a heroine to like the average-sized or shortest man in the room. It simply isn’t done! /sarcasm

I’m sure comes a lot of this sameness comes down to the “typical” female romance reader fantasy. I.e. It is fun for the “average” romance reader to imagine the “average” heroine getting her hunk of a man. Of course, the rather narrow body types presented are certainly not every reader’s fantasy. But they represent enough of a middle ground that romance publishers don’t go broke sticking to that particular look. Unfortunately, for the rest of us tired of reading about Mr. Six-and-a-half-feet-tall-Viking-body, there aren’t a whole lot of alternatives.

As Caz mentioned, there is a little more variation among heroes in m/m.

3) Maybe I’ve just gotten lucky, but I don’t recall any fat shaming in romances I’ve read so far. (Lucky me?) More than likely, the subject simply wasn’t mentioned. Sometimes, I’ll see happily married side characters who are old and fat, but the more I think about it, the more they tend to come across as comic relief. Make of that what you will…

Interestingly enough, I remember reading the submission guidelines for a particular speculative magazine, and they had a note about how they were tired of seeing fat villains. They said they didn’t mean this to be a prohibition on villains who happened to be fat, but were sick and tired of seeing fatness as a shorthand for evil. All I could think of at the time was, “That’s a thing?” Well, apparently it was if they had to bring it up.

4) Veering from romance into erotica, I find it interesting there is an official category called BBW, meaning “big beautiful woman.” There is no equivalent BBM, “big beautiful man.” There are certainly some erotica stories with plus sized men, but they are in a distinct minority. Whereas BBW pulls up thousands of results. From what I’ve read, there appear to be two kinds of BBW stories to reach different audiences. One kind is fetishistic about the fat, so there will be much emphasis on every jiggly fat roll on the heroine’s body. But the other kind ranges from appreciation for fuller figures to sexy romance where the plus sized heroine gets her hunky man. Interesting things to think about as there’s a little bit of crossover between this latter type of BBW and some steamier romances.

5) In short, do I think romance is body positive? I would say it depends largely on the individual book. But in general, there’s more of a potential for diverse body types than a significant actuality- at least in mainstream publishing.

It’s not and it should be.

I think it’s interesting that in the “visual” pop culture (movies, tv shows, even commercials), the schlubby guy (Jack Black, Kevin James, Jim Belushi, any guy in a beer commercial, etc.) is often paired with or ultimately wins a smoking-hot (frequently younger) woman who could easily be a lingerie model; whereas in Romancelandia’s written word & audiobook pop culture, a woman who doesn’t meet society’s impossible demands for female beauty can still end up with a gorgeous man with amazing abs and a personality to match. Genderized wish fulfillment perhaps? Or two different ways of expressing badly positivity?

This is a tough one. The brutal fact is everyone is drawn to physical attractiveness, whatever your idea of that is.

I read a lot of romance, obviously, and there is a clear double standard. I have read tons of books where the guy is described as super fit and muscular and he just adores the woman’s “soft, round womanly body”. It’s made very clear from the woman’s point of view she is nowhere near his level of fitness or muscularity and it’s not up to society’s standard of beauty but he just loves it!

And clearly I enjoy this because I’ve sure read enough books like it. And we all know a lot of romance is wish fulfillment and fantasy and these novels are marketed towards women, so why not appeal to that fantasy? It’s like the chubby or nerdy guy getting the supermodel in every TV show or movie. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

I also think there is often a gap between what people say, what they think is OK to say publicly, and what they really think. If you tell someone they look great and they shouldn’t worry about weight or speak about a celebrity that way but you personally would never let yourself get past a certain number on the scale is that honest?

I remember an interview with Keira Knightly where she gushed over a heavy celebrity’s body and at one point said she actually consulted with a doctor to gain weight and “He told me that for someone of my body type to get to a [European] size 12, I would have to eat a lot of s–t food, stop exercising and drink loads,” she said.
“Basically, my body type is naturally thin. There is nothing I can do about it.”

Really? No healthy way a doctor can tell you to gain some weight? I doubt it. I do believe she is someone who naturally tends to be thin, but the fact she’s a big smoker (as are a shocking number of celebrities) certainly helps.

I guess what I’m saying is both men and women like looking at “perfection” (Rege-Jean Page anyone?) and while female celebrities like Melissa McCarthy at her heavier weight and guys like Jack Black can get leading roles those types are never going to be more popular than Margot Robbie and Henry Cavill.