R-E-S-P-E-C-T
We give many reasons for reading romance and loving it so. The comfort of a guaranteed happy ending, the feeling of being swept away to another time and place, fascination with the workings of the human heart – and the list goes on. A couple of conversations recently have given me another reason that I hadn’t thought of very deeply before, but that definitely holds true for me the more I ponder it. And it is this: In the books I like best, the heroine usually gets treated with respect. It may not be there at the beginning, but from what I’m seeing online and in my own experience, readers more and more expect it by the end.
Now this obviously has not been the case historically. However, I think we’ve primarily moved beyond the rapist “heroes” and doormat ladies of 20-30 years ago. While you do still find the occasional cringeworthy throwback, attitudes found in romance have changed for the better. In a recent discussion on our message forums , a reader posted looking for books in which hero and heroine function as equal partners. While that discussion dealt more with suspense novels, it occurred to me that even when historical circumstances do not allow the characters to be treated with full equality, I am still seeing women treated more respectfully in romances as a whole.
When I think of respect and equal partnerships, Eve and Roarke from the In Death series immediately come to mind. Roarke is definitely an alpha hero, but he respects Eve and her abilities. In addition, he finds her attractive and desirable. Her strong personality is not a minus in that relationship, but is instead found worthy of respect – something that can resonate with any strong woman who has been told to be more “ladylike” in order to land a man.
In historicals, things become more thorny. A historical romance with any pretense to historical accuracy would have difficulty featuring a heroine with a career beyond that of a governess or servant, and at many times in history, women couldn’t even own property or leave home unaccompanied. However, even within the plainly unequal boundaries of various time periods, many good historicals(please don’t get me started on the wallpaper!) show women living within the bounds of their societies and yet receiving not just the love, but the respect of the hero.
I recently read Lady Anne and the Howl in the Dark. In the novel, Lady Anne’s position in society as well as her gender proscribe her role in public life. However, within her relationship with the hero, she is never taken for granted or forced into subservience by him. In fact, even though Anne is described as rather plain, her intellectual curiosity makes her more attractive to the hero. Though they exasperate one another at times, the hero notices Anne as a human being and treats her with respect.
And that brings me to the other incident which made me start pondering respect. One of my friends, an avid romance reader, commented that she has a hard time making herself buy books at the used bookstore. Though she knows it would save money, she told me that her local UBS stocks mainly older romances and she just doesn’t like them as well. The dominating heroes put her off and in many of the contemporaries, she felt like “the heroine just gives and gives, but receives very little in return. Everything she does is just taken for granted and we’re supposed to like her because she sets no boundaries for herself. ” We talked about it for a while and it soon became obvious that she liked newer series books and conteporaries both because the heroines were stronger, but also because she could find more heroes who paid attention to women as people. Heroes who noticed and appreciated all the work the heroine put in as a good mother, daughter, lawyer, shop owner, etc.. caused her to connect more deeply with the story being told.
I thought about it, and realized there’s definitely some truth there. The usual mental lusting and chemistry between hero and heroine is alive and well – and we need chemistry if it’s to be a good romance. However, I’ve noticed more books in which the hero actually discusses and cares about the heroine’s point of view and beliefs, and I’ve found that refreshing. The old way of “I’ll just keep pushing myself on you and eventually you’ll be so hot for me that you’ll realize you can’t live without me” still exists, but I’m seeing less of it and that makes me happy.
I’ve been a fan of romance since high school, and I used to struggle with the notion of justifying my reading habits because it seemed as though the characters in so many of my books treated women disrespectfully or thought about them primarily in the context of the physical relationship. This goes against my beliefs, and it bothered me at times that I came across it so much in my reading. I’ve run into this less in recent years, and I think it’s in large part because readers have begun to react negatively to the traditional domineering hero and doormat heroine of old. Do disrespectful heroes and passive heroines still exist? Oh yeah – but thankfully I’m not seeing them as often. And that’s a very good thing.
-Lynn Spencer
I have visited your port before. The more I visit, the more I keep coming back! :-)
I know that some of the authors who are my favorites ARE my favorites because I feel that their characters show respect for one another. Nora Roberts, Jane Feather, Mary Balogh, Nalini Singh, etc. To me, the foundation for a good romantic relationship is respect and affection. If the couple doesn’t have that going for them, I find it hard to appreciate their story and impossible to believe in their HEA. (And incidentally, one of the reasons I DON’T care for “”alpha male”” heroes is because it’s my perception that they are often lacking in respect for the heroine throughout too much of the novel. Yes, yes, they often come around eventually. But until that point, they’re too often overbearing, which I dislike.)
Well, I tend to believe that true “”alpha”” is attracted to the same because it only makes sense. Why in the world would a strong leader want a weak mate? How in the world we can think any strong hero, and here I’m talking about mental and emotional strength, be attracted to a weak-willed herione that he couldn’t respect in the first place? What kind of progeny would that produce?
The illogic of that has always escaped me and leaves me wondering at what kind of brainwashing was going on in some of the older romances. That’s just me, however. ;O
That little pet peeve out of my system, I’d also like to agree about the Regency romances but also like to point out that they’re not alone in that regard. Anyone who has ever read an Emilie Loring book would find the same “”type”” of high society setting as backdrop for her stories, i.e. early 20th century wartime New England, usually – complete with strong heroes and equally strong heroines. And those were also romances with mysteries. Not exactly true equal “”partners in crime”” stories but definitely in the type and one of the authors that gave me a love of the theme.
I guess what I’m getting at is that I don’t believe it’s absolutely necessary for it to be the Regency England to fit that description. What is needed is for the story to be set against some type of high society with rigid social codes that have to be observed and which equal the playing field between male and female. Those rules are put there for exactly the reason to put the males at a disadvantage and the matchmaking mamas in charge. More or less. ;)
Yes – I definitely agree about the Regency comedies of manners. In that venue, a bright heroine could definitely wield some power. I used to read a lot of Regency trads in high school and college, and there were some I liked a lot. I think one reason they appealed to me was because the heroines were usually more than sweet innocence and a lush bosom for the hero to lust after. I read plenty of historicals,too, and while there were some good exceptions (this was the mid-to-late 90s), passive heroines were still plentiful.
BevBB – Yes, the “”Partners in Crime”” discussion is the very one I was linking to. Your point on historical accuracy is an interesting one. While women have not always received equal treatment under the law or in society, I do think we have always had strong women. And from historical documents I’ve read, I think there have always been men who appreciated and respected women, even if the attitudes of their time were nothing like today.
Thanks so much for the insightful column, Lynn. Before the boards went down, there was a new Heyer thread and it just struck me that although Heyer started writing her historicals well over 80 years ago, her heroines are always treated with respect by the heroes – even Leonie in These Old Shades was respected by the hero, the Duke of Avon, for her worldly-wise manner despite her youth (she was 18 or 19). Perhaps that’s another reason Heyer novels have stood the test of time and several generations of readers. And in contrast, the 70’s and 80’s bodice-rippers (like those Rosemary Rogers books) haven’t quite withstood the test of time.
Yes, please bring back to forum boards – I am having a withdrawal syndrome missing them!
Since the boards are still down or at least acting funky, I’m not sure if the thread referenced in this post was the one I originated about Partners-in-Crime, but I suspect it was. That’s long been a favorite “”theme”” in romances for me and, yes, they do exist and have existed for, oh, decades.
With varying degrees of equality in the partnerships, it’s true. Some of that depends upon how much of the story revolves around a mystery being involved in the plot but it doesn’t take all that much. I think probably the one author that comes to mind who actively set out to shake up the status quo along those lines was Jayne Ann Krentz. I mean it’s long been an obvious issue in her books that her heroines are striving for not simply respect and equal treatment, regardless of the historical era or futuristic setting, but usually flat-out ask for a partnership of some kind above and beyond what’s usual accepted in marriage customs in whatever society they inhabit.
Regardless of how befuddled that leaves their heroes – and her heroes aren’t normally bad and by that I mean jerks. No, they’re normally just scambling to keep up with the agenda. ;)
She was doing this in books two decades or more ago. Fast forward to today and one would hope we’ve progressed. :D
I do think it’s more difficult when authors write about a society where women aren’t supposed to have an equal role but I’m still finding plenty of books to read and I definitely don’t put up with disrespect. In fact, there have been several supposely “”great”” authors who were lauded for their “”historical accuracy”” over the years that I’ve taken a distinct dislike to because what I saw in their writing was simply a repeat of patterns that I saw years ago and frankly I didn’t want to go back to reading the same old/same old. I want to go forward. If that means missing out on their greatness, so be it.
People can call that political correctness infusing historcal fiction all they want but, you know what, I’m not reading romances for the historical accuracy of the fiction if it means I have to wade through pages and pages of men treating women like trash under their feet under they “”see the light”” at some point.
No thank you.
Re the boards not working – I think it might be a good idea to put something on the main page just so people will know what’s going on and when it might be fixed (soon, I hope).
Now, to Lynn’s post: By the time I started reading romance novels more than once or twice a year, some of the less appealing h/h dynamics were disappearing. Or maybe I just have a knack for avoiding the old school stuff… But since this seems to be reflected in other people’s comments, I do think you’re right about the balance shifting in historicals; I do seem to see more heroines in reasonably realistic careers and h/h relationships in which there is much more than just mental lusting on the part of the hero.
Wow, I am just thrilled to death that you said what you did about Lady Anne and the Howl in the Dark. You got it, Lynn, you really got it!
It was extremely important to me that I show how strong Lady Anne is, and how much Darkefell comes to appreciate that part of her. He’s a dominant man, used to getting what he wants when he wants it, but unfortunately that means he is arrogant at times. He’d break a lesser woman, but Lady Anne counters him, strength for strength. He’s surprised that he likes her all the better for it.
But it’s really important to point out that this does not mean I’m twisting historic gender roles at all. There have always been women who were smart and strong, and there have always been men who loved them more because of that.
But it was ALSO important to me to show that this doesn’t mean he’s always going to like her strength. When you’re accustomed to getting your own way all the time, it is disconcerting to come up against those who will not bend. He can’t impose his will on her, and that irritates the hell out of him. But she’s independently wealthy and 24, not 18. She’s grown into her strength and self-knowledge.
I am sooo fortunate that Sourcebooks Casablanca has allowed me several books (I’m finishing writing Book 3 right now, and I’m so pleased with the outcome!) in which to follow Anne and Darkefell’s relationship, because with two such strong characters, there is a bit of a tug of war going on. I’m enjoying the ride – bumpy though it is – and I hope readers do, too! It’s not often a romance writer gets this amount of space to explore a building relationship.
Great post! Although I’m glad Rike brough up the “”comedy of manners”” element in Regencies because there is nothing I like more than when a Lady turns the tables on a Lordly Scoundrel using the tricks of the time with innuendos, twisting polite language, witty banter, or takes advantage of pushing his buttons while he can’t react due to the strict rules of society at the time. When these scenes are well written, the best ending is when THEN he respects her!
Jane O, we’re aware of the problem and trying to take care of it. Thanks for letting us know!
Lynn, I agree ever so much with you! Although, strangely enough, I don’t get this feeling of the heroine being treated with little respect in the older traditional Regencies. Because many are basically comedies of manners, set in the drawing room where the women were actually given a fairly powerful role (think the literary and political saloons of the period), and do not concern themselves with what’s going on inside the bedroom, this one-sided giving is less apparent here than it is in older contemporaries or European historical. I think that’s one of the reasons why I read trads almost exclusively for many years.
I don’t know where to comment, since I can’t get to any of the forums. All I get is something called aarboards.com that is offering me magazine subscriptions. What’s going on?