Over the Big Mis
Last night my mom and I watched the 1995 rom com While You Were Sleeping and…. well, let’s just say it was not for us. (My mom, every 15 fifteen minutes: This makes no sense.) What we disliked the most about it–and there is a list–is its premise. None of the film would have been necessary–and that would have been a good thing–if Sandra Bullock’s Lucy had just said, with her famous I really just want to be loved smile, “Sorry, there’s been a big misunderstanding.”
I have never been a big fan of the Big Mis but, as I’ve gotten older and aware that my time is fleeting, I’ve developed a low tolerance for Big Misunderstandings in fiction. Often, they are morally iffy at worst and unnecessary at best. (This is not the first time we’ve complained about the Big Mis at AAR.)
The Big Mis doesn’t ruin a book for me and there are novels where the plotline–often written with darkness–works for me (Courtney Milan’s Unveiled and Amanda Weaver’s A Duchess in Name come to mind.) But when it’s played as a great joke, even as lives are remade, it angers me. Telling the truth is often difficult but it is the only foundation for real intimacy. Characters who lie to get what they want, even if they are as adorable as incomprehensibly all alone Lucy, are building a relationship on a deliberate falsehood. It’s not a stretch to say While You Were Sleeping revels in its only in the movies is this funny gaslighting. It’s icky.
Many disagree with me both about While You Were Sleeping and plots with a Big Mis. Do you? And if you love (or loathe) Big Mis plots, what are your favorites or most reviled?
You nudged me to remember and reread one of the best Big Mis stories for me:
Abandoned Bride by Edith Layton.
It holds up well, I still get upset right along with the heroine for the total unbelief she faces. And the time taken to make them change and understand each other is a delight, you can really see it, you are not just told.
Its views are charitable and ultimately kind even though class and other discrimination make up so much of the plot.
I will add it to my TBR!
It is an old book – Edith Layton takes a lot of time with language, and with the characters’ inner dialogue and the development of emotions, so you need a bit of patience for it – hope you like it!
My mom is visiting–we’ve all been vaccinated!!!–and last night we watched The Jane Austen Book Club which we loved. There is a big mis in it–one character is overly oblivious about a man’s love for her, but it works. We can see she’s deliberately like that because she’s afraid to love.
And now I want an AAR Jane Austen Book Club!
What drives me crazy is people who keep a secret when there is no reason to do so (other than to create a plot). On the other hand, I like it when two people interpret the same evidence differently, because they want something different. That’s a real conflict.
HATE that!
I really prefer romances where the second/third act conflict is driven by fundamental differences in the way the characters see each other versus giving themselves over to the big mis.
Me too!
This post about the “Big Mis” reminds me a lot of The Nostalgia Critic, Doug Walker. He can’t stand the trope he calls “the liar revealed” because then the characters spend an inordinate amount of time in the third act “moping and doping,” thereby dragging down the story. I’ve got to say, I agree with him.
Oh, here’s another one I’m over. When the Big Mis has nothing to do with the characters’ own flaws but is completely engineered by a third party.
She’s been slipping out of her house to meet him. But on the night they plan to run off and get married, her father shows up instead and tells him she changed her mind and will marry a rich man. So he goes off, hating her for being a lying gold-digger. Meanwhile, her father gives her a letter from him, saying he was scratching an itch with her. So she marries some rich man because her one great love turned out to be a heartless user.
Of course, neither of them doubts this horrible new revelation about the love of their life or tries to find out more. They just go along with it because plot.
However, when the third party uses the characters’ flaws against them, that works much better for me, like when Iago takes advantage of Othello’s insecurity. If not for that weakness, Iago would have had nothing to exploit.
My issue with the Big Mis is generally when
1) it is the only source of tension (ie “She hates MacGregors and I’m secretly a MacGregor; otherwise we are totally happy”)
2) AND it is completely transparent that the Big Mis will result in a temporary separation followed by a “WELL I guess I can deal with THIS MacGregor.”)
While You Were Sleeping worked for me because there was a lot of other stuff going on. There was the gradual revelation that Peter was actually awful. There was the question of her falling in love with the brother of the man who was her fake fiance, and figuring out if individual family members would forgive along with the heroine.
I’m so tired of the Big Mis which goes : “She thinks I’m someone else, but we’re getting along so well and she wouldn’t like the real me, so I’ll just play along for now”.
Basically, it’s one character lying to another out of sheer convenience. Or for weirder reasons. I recently read Lori Wilde’s The Christmas Key, where the hero wants to tell the parents of a fellow soldier that he inadvertently caused their son’s death. The parents mistake him for a new handyman they’re employing. He keeps trying to tell them no, that’s not why he’s here, and they keep stopping him before he can say the words.
I counted. They interrupt him in mid-sentence nine times. It was unbelievable, and it was so clearly set up to serve the needs of the plot. So he ends up playing handyman and sitting on the Big Secret.
But if there’s a believable, sympathetic reason for the deception, a good writer can make this work (as chrisreader said, there need to be big stakes). I also like the Big Mis which brings out the best in a person, rather than the Big Mis which results in someone treating another person like dirt.
I reviewed that one and gave it a D for that and many other reasons. It was also creepy how the hero was basically slotted in as a replacement daddy and son figure very quickly.
Agree with DiscoDollyDeb that the big mis has to be done *really* well. And with Carrie G that it must be organic to the plot. And there has to be big stakes (life or death) or a reason why the person can’t just say what is really going on.
There are too many books with big logical plot holes that are just a fail. If it is something that can be straightened out in a five minute conversation or less then it’s a poor plot.
I honestly wish you hadn’t used a film many people love to introduce this topic. I’d love a good discussion about the Big Mis, but feel completely sidetracked by your review of WYWS and labeling it gaslighting. For one thing, I think comparing Big Mis plots devices for 2 hour movies to Big Mis in books to be apples and oranges.
I guess I’ll just say I’m not a fan of the Big Misunderstanding in books unless it’s organic to the plot and not thrown in for extra drama.
Carrie,
I’m just doing my best to create conversation. I’m sorry it didn’t work for you!
Much love,
D
No problem. The misunderstanding worked for me in this movie because it was between a lot of people and Bullock’s character’s inability to set it right fit with in with her personality and loneliness. Plus, it’s a rom-com and I wasn’t expecting realism, just consistency.
In books, I also expect consistency and, as many have already said, when the big mis comes out of left field or goes against what the characters already know about each other, I get a little crazy. The Big Mis sometimes also ties in with the “manipulative friends and family” trope which is one of my least favorite devices I can think of. I get shocked at the number of grown up friends who meddle in the protagonists life or decide to warn off potential lovers I see in romances, especially contemporaries. Gah!!
If there is a “big mis,” I want the author to make it understandable. Is the MC protecting someone? Is there some ambiguity in the situation? Are there mitigating factors? I hate characters who basically do & say whatever the plot requires them to do with no thought to the character’s personality or motivations, but I do like a nuanced character who, through reasonable actions, gets involved in a”big mis.” I also like misunderstandings to be resolved as soon as possible to limit the fallout. Good writers can handle the “big mis,” but unfortunately it has become the province of sloppy writers who don’t seem to care about creating believable characters or plot.
Agree all the way down. There are sometimes good reasons why Person A can’t tell Person B something at a certain point in time. But those reasons should be explicated and substantiated; and they should, to really work for me as a reader, carry all the way through the story.
Something that important for Person A is not going to cease to be important simply because they are falling in love with Person B. The Big Mis shouldn’t precipitate an Act 3 crisis. It should be addressed in Act 1, and the rest of the story should be about the fallout. (Again, my opinion as a reader.) UNLESS what we are reading is not a storyline that gets resolved in one book.
Also, there is a qualitative difference between information withheld, and information falsified. If a person is withholding information it has to be both character- and plot-consistent. It can’t be ‘because I’m living in a fantasy world and you should forgive me because I’m a dream girl/boy.’ If a person is *lying* that’s a whole different bag of snakes and needs to be treated differently. I am thinking about KJ Charles’ Will Darling books right now.
Have no idea how this relates to WYWS because I’ve never seen it. :-)
I know it’s a Big Mis and I usually don’t like them – but I LOVE that film!! Joe Jr. is hilarious, Sandra Bullock is kind of lumious and Bill Pullman is just… *swoon*. I don’t know why it works so well for me – it just does.
I love that film too. It’s one of our go-to family movies. It works for us. Love the grandma – when things get crazy at our big family Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners, one of us will say “these mash potatoes are so creamy” and we all start snorting.
I think there are movies we love just because we love them and they’re part of our hearts’ lexicon. Which is fine. I feel that way about Love, Actually.
Which I hate because I can’t stand Keira Knightly. Horses for courses…
Exactly.
Second that! Mr neither. Worst Elizabeth Bennett EVER!
I like parts of Love Actually, and parts make my ragey. That is an example of a film where almost everyone is living in glamorous movie ideas of apartments and lives.
Heh–that’s what we call the Nancy Meyers realm!
I adore Love, Actually but have to fast forward through all the Colin scenes, the Mr. Bean scene, and the scene for Laura Linney can’t turn off her frickin’ phone to bone the love of her life.
I can’t stand the Colin Firth section. I feel bad for Laura Linney and am not surprised that the guy from work turned into the bad guy from Persia in “300”. I knew he was a jerk.
There are a ton of jerky guys in that movie. Colin Frizzle, as discussed before is ridiculous and makes me laugh. The whole Emma Thompson section just depresses me. Cant stand Andrew Lincoln as the creepy best friend and Keira looks like a child bride.
I love Nancy Meyers movies and the “house porn”. In her defense, the people are all super rich and successful who have the huge homes. Kate Winslet’s cottage in The Holiday is charming but super tiny and full of mismatched things so I give it a pass.
The weirdest fact I know about that movie is that Keira Knightley and the boy who plays Liam Neeson’s son are only 5 years apart in age in real life. She was 18 and filming and he was 13.
Yeah–she was WAY too young for that role.
Keira’s entire role seems to be to stand there and smile, look amazed and giggle and be an object for the two guys to “love”. She does look really young and it’s particularly striking with Chiwtel Ejiofor because he is sophisticated and elegant.
It’s funny if you want to analyze it but most of the relationships where the men and women are of the same age don’t work out, but the ones with the older guy and much younger women are the “happy” ones mainly.
I think Colin and his love are the same age.
Colin, the body doubles and the two kids. I think that’s it. Apart from the two kids they’re not amongst the main or even serious romances though. Colin Frizzle and the body doubles are just supporting stories mainly for laughs.
I meant Colin Firth’s character. Wasn’t sure it that was clear.
Oh, I thought she was much younger.
Edit: I just checked she’s 16 years younger than Colin Firth.
Wow. She didn’t look it!
They really made her up to look quite defeated by life in the beginning. By the end they let her brighten up.
“Say table” Cracks me up every time!!
They weren’t attacks, they were episodes!”
I love that Glynis Johns got a juicy supporting role all those years after Mary Poppins and her Disney years!
The evil girlfriend was in a show I love called Justified and her character is 100% fabulous. I was startled to see her as unlikeable! It’s so fun when actors we love show up in other roles!
She’s been in a ton of series and shows and even the Movie “Singles” which was a big deal back in the 90’s.
She’s the heroine in a made for TV Christmas movie too so she’s played a lot of leading “nice” roles too. She’s very funny.
I love this film SO MUCH. It’s absolutely charming and adorable and somehow manages to present a family that actually dresses, lives and behaves like a family I would know. They don’t live in a big “Home Alone-esque” picture perfect mansion, and they are a Catholic family actually shown attending Mass.
I think it’s hilarious from start to finish. It’s still funny every time I watch it. Joe Jr. is comic gold and they show Lucy as being completely irritated by him but still being kind. I adore that people fall in love with Lucy (and she with the family) because of her joy and goodness and not because of a makeover or because she’s so model perfect and glamorous.
I can’t think of another rom-com (despite its unlikely premise) than manages to feel so warm and “real”. LOVE, love love.
I think we have seconded each other on this before, but WWYS is my favourite movie of all time for all of these reasons and then some <3