Male fatphobia in romance novels: why does romance hate overweight men?
In all my years of romance reading, the only hero I recall who was described as overweight was Henry Tewskbury-Hampton of Carla Kelly’s delightful vintage Signet regency Miss Billings Treads the Boards. 
Over twenty years.
Hundreds, if not thousands, of books.
Precisely one slightly saggy midsection. Which tightened up by the end of the story.
It’s always difficult to find a cause from looking at end products alone, and I’m sure this state of affairs reflects varying degrees of reader preference, author choice, and editor or publisher requirement, depending on the book. And I’m not saying your Navy SEALs or your shapeshifting werewolf warriors can’t be in peak physical condition, or even that you shouldn’t want your Regency ducal sundae topped with a six pack, however historically implausible that mixed metaphor is. Just because I happen to like bigger men (in fiction and in real life) doesn’t mean everybody has to write it (although I’d be delighted if somebody did, and I welcome recommendations in the comments).
I’m not demanding fat heroes, but I’m done – I’m beyond done – with fat losers.
The link between being a hero and being shaped like a Greek statue or post-serum Steve Rogers is so strong that the moment a male in the book is given a physical trait shy of perfection, I know the author is telling me to write him off. He may be the villain. He may be the pathetic and repugnant distraction Busybody Neighbor or Meddling Mom is pushing the main character to settle for. He may be a harmless ally or supportive you-go-girl buddy. What he can never be is the heroic object of sexual desire.
I originally intended to put quotes in this post in which authors used weight to identify their duds and deadbeats, but I realized quite quickly that it wasn’t going to work. There are just too damn many examples. It didn’t seem fair or productive to call out a few authors arbitrarily when the entire industry is taking the same cheap shot.
So as a thought exercise, I wrote some quotes of my own.
Such is the power of male weight in romance novels that I can invent descriptions of male characters and transform them from heroes to zeroes just by changing the words describing their bodies.
Imagine if you read:
Mrs. Gates’s son Robert was moving back into his mother’s house across the street. His sweaty t-shirt clung to his sculpted abs as he carried a television down the steps to the basement.
Your immediate take would likely be that Robert is going to be this novel’s hero. He’s a good guy, probably home because his mom is sick, or he’s between deployments. You probably can’t wait for the other protagonist to meet him.
But what if the author changed that description, just a tiny, tiny bit? Now, instead of the previous quote, you read:
Mrs. Gates’s son Robert was moving back into his mother’s house across the street. His sweaty t-shirt clung to his pudgy belly as he carried a television down the steps to the basement.
Nothing has changed about Robert except his stomach, but that’s enough to tell you he’s going to be a loser. The television, the mom’s basement – it means something totally different when the hero is fat. This Robert isn’t a caretaker or Marine on leave, he’s an unemployed man-child addicted to video games and internet trolling. That sweat is probably yellow, and it definitely stinks.
How about a historical? Our heroine finds herself face-to-face with Mr. Grant in a crowded ballroom. Suddenly,
A rotund body inserted itself between her and Mr. Grant. ‘‘I believe this is my dance,” Lord Kelston interjected.”
Oh, buzz off, Lord Kelston. You may have the title, but she’s all in for Mr. Grant.
A lean, powerful body inserted itself between her and Mr. Grant. “I believe this is my dance,” Lord Kelston interjected.
Thank goodness a sexy, possessive someone is here to save her from settling for the likes of Mr. Grant!
The officer thoughtfully tapped a pencil against his chiseled jaw. He leaned forward, causing his uniform to stretch across his broad shoulders. “I could make the ticket go away,” he acknowledged. “If it’s worth my while.”
Ooh. Sexy fantasy cop.
The officer thoughtfully tapped a pencil against his second chin. He leaned forward, causing his uniform to stretch across his wide stomach. “I could make the ticket go away,” he acknowledged. “If it’s worth my while.”
Ugh. Corrupt rapist cop.
I could do this all day. So could you.
Whether a romance reader is overweight or not, or male or not, “a fat man can never be a hero” is a toxic message for them to receive and internalize. Authors, using weight as shorthand characterization is cruel as well as lazy.
Stop.
~ Caroline Russomanno
I’ve found this post rather late, but yes! You’re absolutely right in everything you write and it drives me crazy too.
But, I’ve found it really heartening to see more and more authors write and announce books featuring bigger men, so maybe the tide is turning? I certainly hope so, both as a reader and a writer with very similar tastes. :)
(Full disclosure, I actually sent in a review request email today hoping to get in touch with you about this.)
Coming to this way late but just wanted to say the most I usually see of happy, heavier or “imperfect” men getting romance, especially with a beautiful girl is as a side character. The hero’s best friend or father figure for some reason. And sadly I’m happy when I see even that.
I loved this, Caroline! Romance got on the “let’s not fat shame women” train ages ago. Why can’t we acknowledge that heroes can come in all shapes and sizes? And while we are at it, acknowledge that readers’ fantasies come in all shapes and sizes too?
I will, in fact take the chiseled variety with biceps to spare for myself. My husband and I both lobbied for different engagement photos based on how our arms looked, and our idea of a hot time was going to the gym together. My sister’s type is what she would call “cuddly”. And that definitely means extra weight. My daughter likes big. In every way. Her husband is 6’5” and not anywhere near lean. Isn’t there room for all of us?
Thank you for this article. It echoes the aggravations I’ve always felt in reading romances without the physical ideals I personally fantasize about – larger men. The only other book that comes to mind for those interested in this is Libby’s London Merchant, which features Dr. Anthony cook, a bigger, adorably clumsy hero who ends up with Libby. Please keep the fic recommendations coming, fellow readers!
I love him! The first time I read that book I put it down before finishing because I was so heartbrokenly SURE that Libby was going to end up with the Duke and I wanted to go to bed with Dr. Anthony still a contender. (I mean, have you EVER read a book where the heroine DIDN’T end up with the duke, unless the Duke was, yeah, old and fat?) I could not BELIEVE It when I finished it the next morning and she chose the doc..
However – I THINK that Dr. Cook is actually thin and awkward (I remember Libby thinking his clothes hung off him) and not fat. But if someone has the book lying around they could check me.
I’m curious about this book now, so if I find and read it, I will let you know!
I loved Libby’s book and the follow-up duke’s book. Kelly is an amazing author.
I devoured this gem again yesterday and can confirm that Anthony is definitely very tall and overweight. He’s described by the heroine herself as resembling the sturdiness of a “clinker-built coal barge.” Libby notices that he has slimmed down slightly towards the end of the book, but this seems more related to the stress of a family situation than any forced slimming down by Carla Kelly to make Anthony miraculously more desirable to Libby. (I absolutely haaate this devise) Also, Dr. Cook is just as swoon-worthy for me on round 2 of this book, and not just in terms of the physical. He’s the perfect beta hero – kind, steadfast, patient, hardworking to a fault, and completely enamored with Libby and all her worldly troubles.
Thanks for the check! And Marian, I’m kind of jealous that you still have this to read.
@ KesterGayle I’m so ugly even my own reflection runs away. The only way I’m gonna get someone to date me is if I win the lottery maybe then I can get plastic surgery and liposuction.
I suggest that first, you work on self esteem. Maybe through therapy, maybe by seeking activities that fulfill you. Do you like animals? Volunteering at pet shelters can be very joyful. Animals don’t care in the least what you look like, and they are made of nothing but love. Working with senior citizens, or holding and feeding babies in a NICU, all of these types of activities can help you feel better about yourself. And who knows, you might meet someone.
Second, you need to let down those walls. You are so busy protecting yourself from hurt you aren’t letting anyone in. No one will ever love you if they can’t get close.
Third, stop judging women based on appearance. If she loves you, if she’s good to you, who cares what she weighs? And remember, as we age, looks fade. Hair dulls, skin sags, muscles soften, wrinkles appear. This will happen to you, too. When you’re 70 and looking across the dinner table, do you want to see an empty chair or a woman who was perhaps never a physical ideal but one whose eyes shine with love for you? Be the kind of person you want to love, that you want to love you.
You can have a happy life, truly. Hubs and I were both always fat, even obese, and teased and bullied even by our own families about it. Self esteem was hard won, let me tell you. There were many fewer resources for fat people when we were growing up in the 60s, and much more shaming was going on. By the time we met, I think we both had pretty much given up. We didn’t meet until we were 34, but it was perfect almost immediately. We see each other’s hearts, we make each other laugh, we trust each other totally, we take care of each other when times are hard, we love our kitties, and we want the same things out of life. Trust me when I tell you: there is someone out there for you, too. But you need to be worthy of her. She won’t care what you look like, people kiss with their eyes closed. But if you care too much what she looks like, she will feel judged and insecure and ultimately won’t trust you not to hurt her. Treat her the way you want to be treated.
But it’s ok for women to judge men on their weight and looks. Double Standard at its finest.
Of course not!
I’m only saying to accept yourself AND HER the way you are. Naturally, she must do the same. We all go through rejection in life, based on looks, politics, religion, economic status, you name it. We all get hurt, that’s life. If you let those hurts cripple you, anger you to the point that you are incapable of trusting anyone, well…you will only hurt yourself by that attitude. Because you will have no one else in your life.
That’s not what you said you said I shouldn’t be judging women based on appearance. But women judge men more on their appearances. Men are 10x more likely to get rejected. If a woman gets rejected she’s seen as brave and it’s cute if a guy get rejected he’s seen as a loser who couldn’t get the girls number. I wish I could show everyone here my pic then maybe everyone here would see my point.
Ok as a man who wanted to know rather or not women like Us fat, heavy or bigger guys I came across this website and someone like me, who’s always struggled with their weight I’m 5’11 and around 282? I can say 110% women don’t like Us not even the fat women want a fat guy. I can recall asking a girl out it HS yrs ago who wasn’t a fitness model she wasn’t overweight but more like average well I got rejected but the thing was she would always hug me every morning. Anyways fast forward 16 yrs? She ended up marrying a guy
who I’ve only seen on her FB page when I was trying to befriend her. Of course I believe I’m much more bigger then him not by much mind you. Then it finally hit me and that’s when I realized I was cursed with the ugly fat gene syndrome which is being born both ugly and fat. Why she hugged me every morning is something I keep asking myself 16yrs later I mean if you don’t find someone attractive why hug the? Then reject them when they finally
get the courage to ask someone out? This is probably why so many of Us Fat Ugly guys stay single we just can’t trust women.
Let me start by saying I have a lot of compassion for you because fatphobia is vicious and we internalize it. But when you comment things like “not even the fat women want a fat guy,” and make sure to describe the weight of the woman who wasn’t interested in dating you, you show that you are not just the target of fatphobia (and other appearance-related biases, since you feel like you are not attractive) – you’re also someone who commits it. The psychological term for this is internalized oppression, where you do the same thing to yourself and to others that has been done to your targeted group. If women should not judge men based on appearance, then you should not judge women based on their appearance either.
I hope that you can find some peace. See if you can find some love for yourself – hobbies you enjoy, self-care that makes you feel good, and some accomplishments you can be proud of. That way, regardless of what happens to you romantically, you can fill your life with positive experiences.
If a man calls a woman fat he’s labeled a jerk
If a woman calls a man fat she’s given high fives
The point I was trying to make was most men including myself will give an overweight woman Chance now everyone’s taste is different I personally prefer blondes but that doesn’t mean they have to be all blonde. There’s also a difference in being overweight and obese If I happen to find someone attractive that’s a bit overweight that’s fine I’m sure most women would say the same for a man? We can all agree there’s a difference between being 50lbs overweight and 200lbs overweight. The problem is most people both male and female are obsessed with skinny people rather in movies, tv shows or dating apps. Have you ever wondered why we never see fat men or women on shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette? Simple no one wants them. This is why I said before not even overweight women want to date us Fat Guys. So if we can’t get overweight women to date Us Overweight men, who are we supposed to date? And it’s lit like I can go to the gym tomorrow and become the next Dwayne The Rock Johnson. You only see fat men with women in movies and tv shows and even they are nothing but lazy idiots who eat and drink 24/7. Anyways thanks for reading.
There are many kind and loving women of all shapes and sizes who will love a man for his heart, not his waist size. Especially women that are a bit more mature. Your HS interest was virtually still a child when she turned you down. It’s time to let that go.
Love is scary, it requires vulnerability, and you won’t get someone’s loving heart unless you offer yours. Friendship, mutual trust, shared life goals: that’s what relationships are built on. The passion part is wonderful, and creates a bond, but it’s not enough for a lifetime.
My husband, whom I have adored for nearly 30 years, thinks of himself as a ‘fat, ugly guy’. I do not see him that way at all, but regardless of the outer shell, he is kind, loving, loyal, responsible, and he adores me right back. So ask yourself: do you have those qualities? I’m sure you want them in a partner, but she wants them in you, too. In love, you get what you give. If you don’t trust her, she won’t trust you.
The Weight of it All by NR Walker is an MM romance with a hero who is fat and realizes he is also out of shape. So he decides to start going to the gym. In the end he is in good shape but not ‘buff’ and he has a hot new boyfriend who was attracted to him when he was still very fat. It’s a sweet and funny romance.
I’m a fat woman and while I have no preference as to body type, my husband is also fat. I think the roles society place on men are much narrower and more restricting than those placed on women, and I have watched my husband suffer because of that. For example, he has breasts so he won’t wear knit shirts. And forget bathing suits! I have a huge rear end and I have no issues wearing stretch pants. Don’t like it? Don’t look! It’s sad because he’s the nicest guy in the world, loyal and loving, responsible, smart, funny, and sexy, too. wearing
So the trope of physical ‘imperfection’ equals bad guy or best friend status in romance novels is outdated and lazy. And just who gets to decide who is perfect and who isn’t anyway? A double chin or a paunch or acne scars do not a bad guy make, imo.
I’ve never understood the posit that romance is “all about wish fulfillment”. I do not read romance for that. At all. That starts with the fact that I don’t care for the typical HEA, I dislike the institution of marriage to the point that I would never marry myself. I’m not into cis-normative role models and I absolutely loathe “alphamales”. I mean it, even a benign one means I sideeye him, and an alphahole is a reason to severely downrate a book.
I read romance for the emotions and the journey of the people I observe. I want to root for them, but not “as them”. I don’t put myself into their places at all. I like to read about people falling in love and working for it, and I adore it when these people are normal and everyday, instead of physically perfect.
Looks are secondary, in fact, personally I dislike the over-muscled steroid monsters you get to see on most covers (totally unsexy). I never understood what women like about that. My types are the thin, scrawny guys or the Kevin James lookalikes. I’m more intrigued by a certain kind of smile, than a six-pack.
Which means there are precious few romances I find readable. I also don’t think I’m a minority. It’s just that I persevered, where oodles of women, and men, turned to genres less prescriptive.
Stereotypes blow. Fat-shaming is like ageism : both are an ‘acceptable’ prejudice that is reduced to shorthand we have been conditioned to see as a joke, as stupid, as evil, as worthless, as undeserving of success or love.
We know the genre has a real problem with anything that alters or challenges the traditional money-making format of the romance ‘fantasy’, e.g. fat, older, non-cis, non-white. Publishing houses who only see the $$ signs are risk averse, and this unwillingness to alter the fantasy with human imperfections means they are missing out on a potential to attract a wider audience and make even more $$..
Imagine this video with an overweight man:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49I6JrUnSQg
I recently read a romance novel where the hero was both chubby /and/ shorter than the heroine. I think he was described, or possibly described himself as looking along the lines of Jack Black. It was “Love’s Little Instruction Book” by Mary Gorman.
Also, excellent examples of how much a body type description changes the actions of a character. Food for thought.
Yeah, imagine if I had written something like “He enthusiastically cut into his steak” about a fit man or a fat one.
Oh, sure. The fit guy would have a healthy, manly appetite, but the fat guy would just be gorging himself.
I just had a vision of a lovely Regency couple – the Earl and Countess of Whatever. He is ripped, fit, gorgeous, etc. and she is dainty, petite, tiny in the waist and the pair of them are sitting at the dinner table asking the nearest footman to please bring in the vegan quinoa salad and beetroot juice as they can’t possible cease to ensure their divine bodies are properly nourished. Then he goes off for a session in his private gym in the Haunted Tower of his perfect castle with his personal trainer while she goes for a spinning class in her boudoir. And a few sit-ups while she is at it. Please, please, I enjoy cooking – send me a man who eats and appreciates it!
It’s probably not exactly what you’re looking for, but West Ravenel in Lisa Kleypas’s series starts out overweight. He does lose the weight. In book one,, which is about his brother Devon. Not as part of a weight-loss regimen but because he gives up alcohol and partying and falls in love with farming. By the time his own book, Devil’s Daughter, rolls around, he’s very far from his earlier lifestyle and filled with vitality and vigor.
It may not be what you are seeking but Devil’s Daughter is my favorite Lisa Kleypas novel so I thought I’d throw out a recommendation for it. To get the most out of it, though, it really helps to read the earlier books in the series first and follow West’s growth arc.
Thank you SO much for this article. It really has enhanced how I am editing this book. Here is a paragraph, I added this morning:
Lauren noted that Brent’s abs were not as defined as they once were. Then again, at forty, she could hardly expect his body to be the same as it had been when they first became lovers. Honestly, she found that tad extra padding around his middle rather appealing. It made him real, more approachable somehow.
As a mature woman, I am tired of the trope of 20-something, skinny/perfect, rich heroes and heroines. We have come a long way in my life time, at least in terms of women characters. Curvy is a genre now. I long for the same for our heroes. And I appreciate you pointing out my own responsibility in that.
Interesting post. I think it’s lazy storytelling.
It did make me think, however, about how when I was in India about twenty years ago, I was fascinated by how the female romantic lead in all the Bollywood movies was gorgeous, but the men were ALL shlumpy. (A friend I was traveling with dubbed it all “Babes and Dorks.”) That was all male fantasy at work, where the average guy could resemble the hero, but the roles for women were beyond narrow.
(I think you’d like my new book: Seducing Cat. There is a man with a perfect body in it, but he is decidedly not the hero. They pudgy guy is.)
See just about every movie ever starring Woody Allen, Seth Rogan, Ben Stiller, and Humphrey Bogart. And those are just the films where the world’s most beautiful women are paired with the not most beautiful men.
Don’t even get me started on all the films where the guy is 20 to 40 years older than his gorgeous co-star.
Men make movies that replicate their fantasies and that fantasy routinely includes a slim, gorgeous, woman paired with an (on the surface) ordinary guy.
Thank you for posting this Caroline. I have noticed this too, and you put it into words better than I have been able to. And as for the “fantasy wish fulfillment”, everybody is welcome to be attracted to whatever they want and there is nothing wrong with that. If that means “gym ripped”, then go for it! But not everybody’s “fantasy wish” is the same. I find “heavy set”, “fluffy”, “chubby”, (whatever you want to call it) guys so sexy! And the “fat” as shorthand for villain or loser is so overused and that is sad. It’s one of the most common writer’s tropes there is, and even some of my very favorite authors do this. I won’t stop loving their books, but I wish it were not the “thing” it is.
This is a great post. My heroes are more beta than alpha but, I admit, they’re all physically fit with a wiry strength rather than straight up brawn. That’s mainly because, personally I’m more team Loki than team Thor.
I could argue, just for fun, that the hero in his physical prime is a response to the female reader’s escapist fantasy. Maybe she already has a partner with a belly and loves him unconditionally but enjoys the idea of running a finger down tight abs. Of course that makes the hero cliche, but a lot of readers like their cliches and chose them time and time again. It scratches an itch.
Thoughtful post.
You nailed it. In real life–not fiction, folks–we dig the dudes we have. In our fantasy life, we are welcome to mentally drool over whatever the damn well we want to.
And, before you have the vapors, feel free to have your own fantasies with whatever partner or partners you want. But I’m going to be over here happily reading about a man of my dreams not the guy reading the Jack Reacher novel next to me.
In my fantasy life, I want to mentally drool over big men.
Lol you single?
Nope. Been with my big guy for 2 decades.
Yikes. Get some marriage counseling, sis.
I am madly in love with my husband and when we get behind closed doors, he is my fantasy. But when I’m reading romance, it’s fun to read about a handsome, buff, maybe even titled man whom I’m not wed to. But thanks for the advice.
The idea that fantasies and books will “ruin” women for marriage is as false now as it’s been over the hundreds of years since they started using it. Nah, that comment was inappropriately personal as well as inaccurate. Bunny Planet Babe, I’m sorry you were attacked like that.
I am working on two books with heroes in their 30s/40s who carry a few extra pounds around the middle. One is a shapeshifter and the other a scientist.
This issue of heavy men hero’s being way under represented in romance novels has been my focas for the last year and a half. I have written one book in collaboration with my daughter (not published yet) and the second book is half written.
I’m new to book writing and publishing, so things are taking longer for me than it might for others.
The books are Medieval fantasy adventure romances. The heroes in both my books are heavy set.
I hope that all those folks who love and prefer their men chunky will enjoy them.
What about Freddy Standen, the unlikely hero of Georgette Heyer’s Cotillion? Heyer deliberately drew the reader’s expectations away from Freddy who was not athletic or muscular in the least. I don’t have time to do the research to be certain, but it seems to me that Freddy’s figure was soft and rounded.
I can’t believe I’ve never given this any thought.
I’m starting work on the third book in my Touched by a Demon series, The Demon Goes Hungry, featuring Belphegor, the Demon of Gluttony, who is sent Aboveworld on a mission to recruit a young woman who runs a food truck called “Devilish Delights” to come to Hell and be Satan’s private chef. He, falls in love with her (of course) and one of the big drawbacks to abandoning Hell is that he’ll have to give up his flawless fallen angel body and deal with having a body that can’t metabolize endless amounts of food and remain prefect.
So thanks for giving me more to think about!
Oh, yes I completely understand. I wrote a historical humorous romance set in Antarctica in which the hero is not only rotund but also old … ish (40s). It’s called All Mouth and No Trousers.
The out-of-shape heros I recall were mostly men who were alcoholics, and part of the plot of overcoming the alcohol also led to increased fitness. Unfortunately, I am not remembering titles right now.
Maybe writers need strategies to see if readers are flexible on appearance. Some options:
1. Introduce less than perfectly honed men as secondary characters and give them the lead in the first or second sequel down the line.
2. Omit some detail. A writer can imply a hero is fit by saying he has good shoulders, for instance, without saying how narrow his hips are or how muscular his abdomen is. And some guys who are not-so-perfect in the tummy still have very nice backs…
3. Present the initial sighting or attraction as being focused on behavior of some sort, rather than appearance per se.
Raising this issue has made me think more about what I’m reading. Thanks.
I think m/m romance might offer a wider range in body types—at least from what I’ve read here. I’ve come across several books with overweight heroes. I have a soft—little bit chubby—hero in one of my books (gay romance). And he’s an escort, lol. I think authors sometimes write to an expectation of what readers want and not necessarily what they might embrace if they had options. This is a great discussion and eye opening!
Thank you so much for this post! I’m not very good at articulating myself and it almost made me cry reading this article because you put into words all I’ve been thinking and been so very upset about for quite some time now.
I also find myself a bit confused with the assumptions that it wouldn’t be wish fulfillment with bigger heroes or that dream heroes are flawless etc. because just like not all men are attracted to the same body type in women not all women are attracted to the same body type in men. For example, like the writer of this piece, I happen to like bigger men too, so I reckon there should be room for wish fulfillment for women like us as well.
Love this post & discussion! Thank you!
I actually find male perfection disturbing. I trust the average guy more, both in real life and in romance. I keep thinking that the super beautiful guy is performing to get applause, including in bed. So, in my fantasies, guys have nice eyes, good posture, smiles, beautiful hands, nice shoulders, some such, but they do not actually qualify for modeling jobs. Also, i find a bit of stoutness or softness nice. Not flabby, or big stick out beer belly, but I do not want those lean mean guys, that are so fashionable. They look like raptors, hungry and bad tempered in a bad way
I just try to ignore the dukes with six packs- for both the duke and the six pack, and focus on the characters. As long as constant appearance checking and worries about looks do not predominate, either for the woman or the man, I am ok. I am good at skimming, too, when those descriptions get too much.
I completely agree that men are worried and hurt when they believe we as women are expecting physical perfection. I agree this is much less an issue than with women being shamed, for their bodies, but two wrongs do not make a right.
Fortunately, body obsessed heroes are rare in most romance I read, I only notice that sometimes in NA, find it age appropriate (and do not read much NA, because I remember but do not enjoy that age’s issues, mostly. )
I would like to mention another strange aspect:
The weird combo of dramatic scars or war wounds (limps) being often used in historical romance as a trope (with unrealistic approaches, except Balogh’s excellent Survivors series) and extreme manliness / perfection being another trope,
You are right about the wounded/extreme manliness thing. Those injuries are almost always from war/policing–it’s maybe all part of the male ethos in many romances?
PI Cormoran Strike in the Robert Galbraith (aka J K Rowling) books isn’t exactly slim, lithe, tanned and sculpted. He’s an overweight smoker missing a leg. Tom Burke, who portrays him in the TV series, looks nothing like the character in the books and, whilst attractive, isn’t exactly an oil painting – he has face with much character.. Nonetheless, both versions come across to me as attractive in their own ways. It’s always, to me at least, a question of “would I enjoy breakfast chit-chat the morning after with this bloke?” Very interesting post – I enjoyed reading it and it was very though provoking.
I’m writing a book that while my hero doesn’t have a pushy belly, he doesn’t have a six pack either. He’s…kind of a normal joe-type. Soft but not belly hanging I’ve ebis jeans type of guy either. My hero likes to eat but keeps up an average weight.
Clever post! It’s like something you see but never notice or pay attention to, but you’re right!
I think it’s related to two factors:
1) It feels a subconscious need to turn the tables. As we know, in life women are expected to be accepting and grateful for the attention of any man. In romance, just the fact that a writer can clearly define and decide what is sexually attractive to her character is a sign of power; that power dynamic is what the choice of the type of man is about. Not so much about his abs as the fact that she has the power to decide what constitutes a desirable man. In an industry by women/for women it’s natural that turning the tables on the way we’ve been treated is reflected in how we thus present men, even if it’s unintentional.
2) It IS a shortcut–and perhaps it can be lazy–but it’s not a dangerous one because it’s not reflected in how we truly behave in society. We don’t discount men in real life because they’re not perfect. We love them and marry them and call them handsome and treat them well and have their babies. This, despite the fact that these same men still feel it’s acceptable to police women’s bodies and hold us to unrealistic standards. I mean, most of the romcom movies feature near perfect women with these less-than-perfect men and it’s still acceptable. We spend more to see it.
My bigger concern is handsomeness of face. I was watching one of the hobbit movies on cable last week and thought, as I always do, that the hordes of monsters are clearly easy to watch being massacred because they’re so ugly. I mean, up against Orlando Bloom looking like he’s doing ballet with those arrows with his cute little pointed ears and poreless skin and fat-less body–the monster hordes should die just for being ugly next to all that pretty, right? I notice that way more than the body type. I’ve always felt we should start making heroes less attractive in the face and showing villains who are handsome because it is dangerous to teach society that handsome people are safe. And we do have studies showing that is in fact a real thing in life.
Thanks for this piece!
I certainly think there are orders of magnitude of difference between the consequences of fatness for men and for women, but male eating disorders and exercise disorders are real and have caused severe damage… speaking from personal experience there. my own partner has terrible self loathing related to his weight. He doesn’t even want to be in pictures with our son. It scares me that he may pass on this legacy if our son has his body type. So I would not say this is “not dangerous.”
As long as we are able to dream, we will dream of partners that are flawless. That doesn’t mean we want paragons in actuality. But I don’t see that it’s OK to to tell people they can’t fantasize via fiction.
First, this post specifically says women are welcome to dream of ripped heroes. But you’re making a pretty huge assumption there when you consider “flawless” and “paragon” physical appearance to require minimal body fat.
When writing this, I was trying to work through why I had a knee jerk “yuck” reaction to men described as having the very physical type I like, and that was when I realized, oh my god, it’s conditioning. I assume he’s a yuck because every time I see that weight in a man I know he’s not going anywhere. That character is going to do something awful or pompous or indolent or whatever so why waste time thinking he sounds physically cute?
I like this and agree. I know Penny Reid has an upcoming series titled the Dad Bod series (or something) and I’m really excited to see what she does with that. Personally, I would LOVE to read a large, stocky, sturdy, heavy, whatever hero!
I love this post!! Thank you for putting into words something that had been bothering me for a while.
Fat shaming is acceptable in our culture. It’s one of the few derogatory stereotypes that people laugh at, and there are many accompanying character traits that become associated with body weight, including laziness, lack of impulse control, lack of will power, mental weakness, etc.. If a hero was fat, almost surely he would be viewed as incompetent and inept in other areas of his life too, and therefore unworthy of hero status. One theory I have is that as American body size continues to go up, so does our disdain for fatness. I have a colleague who is a fat activist and have been fascinated by her scholarship on public views of fatness (she refuses to use the word “overweight” and embraces “fatness” instead).
I would just add that I regularly watch Bill Maher on HBO and his fat jokes are a staple of his stand up routine and never fail to get big laughs from the audience. Any other form of open stereotyping and denigrating jokes about an identity group would be booed, but not fat jokes apparently. I can see why romance authors would struggle to put forth a fat hero and sell him to audiences, but it sure would be interesting to see someone take this on.
It is interesting though that, at least with the novels I’ve been reading, characters (thanks to authors) have often been quick to speak out against fat shaming (regardless whether the overweight character was the heroine or a side character) … but this stance seems to be limited to speaking out against the fat shaming of women, with the trait spoken about in the blog post still evident with regard to make characters.
The only overweight male character I can remember reading in the last four years that was clearly and unambiguously a positive character was Sway from most of Harper Sloan’s novels (though he was never the Hero, and eventually got himself fit, but only after finding his life partner)
Your post made me laugh. Thanks so much!
For me, part of the issue is that the substitute words have, for better or worse, pejorative connotations. For example, for me, “pudgy” suggests a baby, and *that* is where the suggestion of immaturity comes in. For *me.* I’m not sure what language you could use to suggest heaviness in a way that wasn’t signaling “not to be seen as possibly attractive.” I think it’s a matter of being in the other character’s head, the one who’s going to end up with the character, and showing what they experience of the heavy character. I’m always more interested in that than chiseled abs and sculpted jaws, anyway. Those are just…bland.
(Also, fwiw, chiseling is not about strength. It’s about low body fat allowing definition. The dude with a beer belly can have seriously strong abs, even if you can’t see them, and if he’s carrying a TV down basement steps, he probably does. Which might be where the hero/heroine first notices him in that tingly kind of way…)
This doesn’t mean I think it’s at all okay to use fatness as shallow shorthand for not-a-hero. I don’t. I don’t think it’s good writing, any more than I think making the ex-lover the bad guy (guy whatever the gender) is other than weak writing. (And I kind of did that, but I wish I’d been cleverer.)
A bit of cushion for the pushin’…
A tad extra padding around the middle…
These are a couple of examples of descriptions that I use for my 30/40 something, otherwise fit heroes.
I hope those are not derogatory. They certainly add to his appeal for my heroines who aren’t interested in perfect but real.
I like “bulky,” “sturdy,” “stocky,” “solid,” and the simple, direct “large.”
Caz, I agree, the entire series is a blast. He does LOL comedy so well, but seems to have angst down pretty well too!
I’m glad you mentioned that book, Julie – it’s the only one I can think of where one of the leads is a bit squishy ;) And it’s such fun.
I’ve read books where the hero is constantly at the gym, drinking protein shakes, and the heroine has to make him a separate dinner of chicken breasts and salad every day. This sounds exhausting and not at all romantic. Make 2 dinners, one for me and a separate one for him because he’s so obsessed with his body? No thanks. I’ll take a hero who likes to jog and will eat a meal with me.
I am a huge fan of TJ Klune, who writes wonderful MM fiction. His “Tell Me It’s Real” features an overweight hero. This is the first book in a 4 book series, and I promise that Paul remains pudgy throughout. And VInce loves him exactly as he is.
Yes! I have been thinking this for a while. Even just a hero with an average body and no six pack would be nice. A six pack doesn’t sound comfortable to hug.
And I would be perfectly fine with reading a romance with an overweight hero. In general the descriptions of chiselled jaws and hard abs do nothing for me. I like when the book conveys how attractive the hero is to the heroine, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be about muscles at all. If they’re just using muscles as a shorthand for sexy it falls flat for me.
Because it would not be much of a wish fulfillment fantasy with fat heroes. Simple as that, for more nuanced male characters look outside of romance.
Females in romance may of course be a little pudgy for obvious reasons.
I said explicitly that women are allowed to fantasize about perfect bodied heroes. Go ahead and reread if you’re confused. What bothers me is that men who DON’T have perfect bodies are dumped on.
I’m reading a Suzanne Brockmann where the heroine actively wonders if the hero is the torture-rape-murder serial killer at large in her town. But ugh, that neighbor’s son is sooo repulsive because he’s “pudgy.”
Romance novels have bunches of nuanced portrayals of men. Try reading Alyssa Cole, Kennedy Ryan, and Elizabeth Kingston.
Can you recommend any specific titles where the hero is fat?
Thank you for this very thought provoking post.
You understand me! I’m basically suffering because of it. I’ve been looking for a fat hero for years! And everytime I talk about it the romance readers talk about fat men as if they were sinners of the worst kind just because they are fat. It’s awful, it feels like that can’t be fat heroes because a fat man don’t deserve to be loved.
Some readers said once to me: “Why do you want a book with a fat hero? If I wanted a nightmare I would look into real life”. It’s terrible! Like fat guys were monsters, that makes me so sad.