Jenny Holiday Gives the Answers to her 80s Quiz

Jenny Holiday provides answers to yesterday’s 1980s quiz in honor of The Fixer, book one in her New Wave Newsroom series. One commenter on yesterday’s or today’s post will win a copy of The Fixer and copies of subsequent books in the series as they release.

“Dickweed” refers to:

1. An unfortunately named weed that has nothing to do with the 1980s.
2. 1980s slang for genital warts
3. A distasteful person.

The answer is A, my friends, and I think we should all agree to start deploying this word again. Might I suggest a certain US presidential candidate as its first target? (I can say that because I live in Canada.)

Which 1980s heartthrob went on to become a Trump surrogate?

1. Scot Baio aka Charles in Charge
2. Kirk Camerson aka Mike Seaver
3. Ricky Schroder aka Richard Stratton

Speaking of a certain presidential candidate, the answer is A. Charles, we hardly knew ye.

Who was not a fictional girlfriend of John Cusack?

1. Diane Court
2. Monique Junot
3. Andie Walsh

Andie Walsh, C, was not a fictional girlfriend of John Cusack. She was, in Pretty in Pink, a fictional girlfriend of Blane McDonough, played by Andrew McCarthy, though I have to say this was a miscarriage of justice as Andie belonged with her BFF Duckie. Andie + Duckie 4EVER. But I digress. Everyone knows Diane Court from Say Anything, where Cusack’s Lloyd Dobler was determined not to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought or processed. Like everyone else with a pulse, I loved it, but my all-time fave rom-com of the 80s was Better Off Dead, featuring Cusack’s Lane Meyer and Diane Franklin’s Monique Junot, a French exchange student who wins the heart of our hero buy fixing his car and skiing really, really well. It is romantic and absurd in equal measures.

What was Matthew Broderick trying to prevent in War Games?

1. Russian missile attack
2. The US from boycotting the 1980 Olympics
3. Global thermonuclear war

C, global thermonuclear war. I don’t know about you, but global thermonuclear war is always what I found myself up accidently triggering when I tried to hack into the school’s computer system to change my grades.

Choose the 1980s song that wasn’t, in retrospect, a little bit (or a lot) creepy.

1. Every Breath You Take
2. True Colors
3. More Than Words

B, True Colors. Cyndi Lauper has actually reimagined her 1986 anthem as a coming out anthem. It has legs. Meanwhile, “Every Breath You Take” and “More Than Words”…well, for some reason we excuse the Police, you know, on account of their general musical genius, but I’m not even sure what to say about Extreme. At least they didn’t spell their name Xtreme?

What wasn’t made into cereal in the 1980s?

1. Keebler Elves
2. Smurfs
3. Ghostbusters

A, the Keebler Elves, which is weird because of the three answers, you would think the cracker-making elves’ jobs were the most obviously cereal-adjacent and also required less super-saturated dye. But you would be wrong.

It’s 1984. You feel the need to gag yourself. What implement will you use?

1. Finger
2. Spoon
3. Jello Pudding Pop stick

B, spoon. Gag me with a spoon. It makes no sense, but it’s sublime in its nonsensicality.

What does Mr. T pity?

1. Bad drivers
2. Weaklings
3. Fools

Probably all of the above, but the answer is technically C. Mr. T pities the fool. I admit that when I think of Mr. T, I always have a moment where I conflate his show with Night Rider, because I think if anyone should have a car that talks to him, it should be Mr. T and certainly not David Hasselhoff. But the world is full of injustices. Gag me with a spoon.

Thanks!

Jenny Holiday