Force-Feeding Romance: I’m Already Full, Thank You

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I get tired of the snickering on some blogs if something doesn’t work for a reader. I can think of a particular blog where the spelling is always off and most of the entries are ridiculous, but the owner of that blog always ridicules those who aren’t thrilled with m/m erotica or m/m romance. It is a stupid idea to imagine that every reader is the same, but going by the content of the blog and the spelling, I am not surprised that this person cannot see beyond the nose on her face.

I’d say erotica as a whole. I dislike how erotica is shelved with romance, and erotica elements like menage, bdsm, pervasive dirty words for sex and anatomy, and anal sex are being included in mainstream romance. I’ve been accused of being a prude. I’m not a prude. I know what I like, and I don’t like erotica. Keep it separate.
Other posters mentioned how sexually adventurous, or what I’d call promiscuous, heroines and heroes are presented as the norm, and virginal characters as bizarre and outdated. It’s insulting.

Diana, I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve stopped visiting sites where I felt I was being preached to. My pet peeve there was that virgin heroines were ridiculous and sexually adventuresome heroines were preferable. And those readers who don’t agree must have something wrong with them. Why? Because “”they”” say so? Who are “”they”” to make a value judgement about the reader who doesn’t agree with them?

AAR Rachel, Thank you very much!

I agree that the cheerleading and campaigning gets to be too much sometimes. It doesn’t make me feel pressured so much as annoyed. When a review site or blog gets preachy, suggesting that there’s something wrong with me if I’m not interested in reading their “”must reads”” I just stop visiting the site. I know who I am and have reached a point where I don’t need validation or respect for what I choose to read…or not read.

What wonderful points you make! I agree completely that lately I feel overwhelmed by all of the subgenres that are being pushed lately. I’d never EVER call myself a traditionalist, but I’m starting to miss the “”old days”” of your straight-forward historicals and contemporaries. Lately, I’ve noticed that many romance review sites are pushing e-books and m/m and menage romances.

I’m definitely not a prude or homophobic, either…I loved Jules/Robin, Butch/V relationships, too. And Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel books are some of my favorites of all time. And I do plan to dip my toe in m/m romances soon (I think with False Colors). Still I feel like I’m missing out on reviews of the “”old school”” stuff.

I will resist reading e-books for as long as possible for various reasons. I’m a rare book librarian (so there’s that!). I hate reading on any type of computer screen and love having the physical books on the shelf to take out, rearrange and revisit. And it’s so true about the quality control issue. I realize that there are some innovative things being done out there, but if a book is not offered in print as well, I will continue to be suspect of it’s quality. And ultimately don’t many successful e-authors end up getting print deals eventually.

As for Sandy’s comments on categories, I can totally see your point. I often wonder if categories and e-books are easier for review sites to do simply because of their length and the reviewers can churn out the reviews so much faster. On the other hand, I read the occasional category and I have a few auto-buy authors in the subgenre, but I have to rely on the online reviews to help me find the best of the bunch.

Thanks again for a great “”protest”” and I’m glad to see so many in agreement.

I agree with Nancy. It’s not that people are disbelieving that someone doesn’t like an author they like, it’s that because I don’t like some of their books my opinion becomes invalid.

For instance, I loved “”Bet Me”” but haven’t really enjoyed any other Crusie books. And I’ll completely defend Mary Balogh to death (though I couldn’t finish “”A Precious Jewel””) because hers are some of the most well-written books I’ve ever read, but I’m completely aware that others don’t feel the same way! And that’s fine.

I absolutely don’t read paranormals, because I have no interest in reading about vampires or werewolfs. As a subgenre, there’s too much suspension of disbelief required for me-though I do like both Science-Fiction and Fantasty Romances. So when people try to push paranormals on me, I get really annoyed. But I’m perfectly willing to concede that they appreciate those books for some reason that escapes.

And, that’s why there’s 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins.

Allyson says: “”Do people really get mad at others for disliking a certain author? I really haven’t seen it, but I have seen lots of people make defensive statements like ‘I know everyone will hate me if I fess up to not loving *some author*’. There’s no author everyone loves, nobody’s unique in not liking a particular book! The only time I’ve really seen people get at all angry is when someone makes moral judgments about a subgenre or book, or keeps going on about how much they hate it.

I’ve never had anyone care that I don’t like, say, Linda Howard (I tried, really I did!). I do think some of the pressure is self-imposed, and some of it is kind of unavoidable–any time something gets talked about a lot, some people will feel left out, after all. All they can really do is start topics and discussions about what they do like.””

No Allison – I don’t think people get really mad at others for disliking a certain author as much as it’s a brushing off someone’s opinion like it doesn’t matter – that’s where the offense comes, one might take a disagreement personally. There are books that I’ve enjoyed that has either gotten a C grade or below on AAR, do I think the reviewer was wrong? It depends on whether the reviewer seemed to miss part of the story or the story just didn’t work for them. Does the thread support the reviewer? Does not matter, do I get mad, no. What I find objectionable in any book is when particular philosophies appear to be rammed down one’s throat. What is a helpful – a thread stating why you found a book objectionable to share as FYI purposes and if people agree they agree, if they don’t they don’t.

Do people really get mad at others for disliking a certain author? I really haven’t seen it, but I have seen lots of people make defensive statements like ‘I know everyone will hate me if I fess up to not loving *some author*’. There’s no author everyone loves, nobody’s unique in not liking a particular book! The only time I’ve really seen people get at all angry is when someone makes moral judgments about a subgenre or book, or keeps going on about how much they hate it.

I’ve never had anyone care that I don’t like, say, Linda Howard (I tried, really I did!). I do think some of the pressure is self-imposed, and some of it is kind of unavoidable–any time something gets talked about a lot, some people will feel left out, after all. All they can really do is start topics and discussions about what they do like.

Thank you Sandy! That was a great article. I find it really dificult lately to participate on some author’s websites. There was of course the famous Suzanne Brockmann website meltdown after DON, and more recently on JR Ward’s website regarding the pairing of Qhuinn and Blay. If you are just not into it, as I am, you are made to feel badly and often accused of being homophobic simply because you don’t like the pairings. I feel immense pressure to state over and over and over again that I have no problem with homosexuality and I’m an avid supporter of gay rights I just don’t like the pairing. But it still doesn’t seem to matter.

Carrie, I just couldn’t agree more about the reviews. “”I love it!”” is marked as helpful, and an in-depth analysis is totally marked in the negative because they dared to give it less than five stars. I’ve had some serious problems with the latest In Death books, and I don’t even bother reviewing them anymore because the fans will swarm in to give me a big NO!.

Case in point: Fantasy In Death. This book barely deals with the various friendships and work relationships we’ve seen developed over dozens of books, and then one reviewer says that a particular thing she liked was the emphasis on the friendcships. Did we read the same book, the book where there was only one scene that really mattered? Of course the review is considered “”helpful”” because she adored it so much. So strange.

As to the topic, since I have soooooooooo many books piled up in my to-read pile, I figure that if something doesn’t grab me, into the discard/sell/donate pile it goes. Lately I’ve been dumping any and all books that involve a SEAL/agent/PI/whatever whose case is mucked up by the heroine. Been there, done that, have the T shirt. I’ve also lost patience with a lot of the Blaze line of books. While you get the HEA and all that, the emotional level seems to be lacking, and I’m taking a bit of a break. There’s the odd BDSM book that I’ve enjoyed, but after the total humiliation of the heroine in Maya Banks’ Sweet Persuasion, and what I also felt was the trashing of the hero (had been introduced in Sweet Surrender), the genre has left a really awful “”aftertaste”” of sorts.

Oh well, life goes on.

Sandy quote “”BDSM: Just not my thing.

I feel the need to say – over and over again – that I don’t judge anyone who’s into BDSM and I’m not a homophobe. And I’m happy that books are being published for everyone. But my point – and I really do have one – is that it’s okay for readers not to love what everybody is trumpeting. It doesn’t put your taste into question. And it doesn’t make you a homophobe. Or sexually repressed, thank you very much.””

Thank you Sandy – Eloquently stated and appreciated for those of us – that BDSM is just not our thing and that it is OK.

this sort of stuff is easier to avoid and ignore online- but it does get upsetting when you’re being force-fed in person- which makes it one of the few positive things about not knowing many romance readers (or just readers in general….) in real life. Life is too short and free time is even shorter. Let ourselves read what we want to read and chuck the rest of those well-meaning (and not so well-meaning) recommendations out.

Irina – the link is up now:

http://www.likesbooks.com/awardpge.html

I do not like any vampire books, so I about went crazy when all of the women in my unit at work were reading the Twilight books. No thank you it is not my thing.

Well said, Sandy. I’ve always been WAY out of step because I didn’t really like most of the romances that always wind up in the Top 10 on all the “”best of all-time”” lists.

Sometimes I wonder what I’m missing, but not enough to try to force myself to read books I know I won’t love. There’s too many out there that I will love and limited time!

I can’t say I’ve ever felt any pressure to read certain romances. Other than a self-imposed pressure because I want to read what other people are reading. I don’t consider “”oh, you should read so-an-so, you’d love it!”” to be pressure and no one has ever criticized me for not being interested in a subgenre.

I’m sorry that this is off-topic, but could you please check if you Updated Annual Reader’s Poll Menu with links to the 2010 Results. I can’t seem to find a way to find them now after the links were taken off the front page.

I didn’t know any other place where I could write about it. Maybe it’s just my local problem.

You know what bugs me? When a reader review is given and
“”unhelpful”” on amazon.com because the review is negative. Fans of an author ought to be able to take the criticism. If a review has something legitimate to say, not just “”I hated this”” then it can be very helpful. I always read a sampling of reviews of all star levels when I’m curious about a book. I find the negative reviews very helpful because the reviews usually spotlight exactly what bothered the reader, and I can assess whether the same thing would bother me, as well.

Thanks for the reminder to all of us that tastes are different. As we seek to share our favorite books and authors, we need to allow others the freedom to disagree.

I love- LOVE- both paranormal and historical romance. They’re my all time favorite genres, and I go through phases between the two.

And yet, with that said, while I love vamperic romance, I hated Twilight with the passionate fire of a thousand suns, lol. No offense to those who like it, but I found the books to be badly written and boring at best. At worst, an insult to the both literary paranormal community and strong heroine leads.

My “”march to a different beat”” point is that everywhere I look, both inside and outside the paranormal romance genre, I see people loving these books. Which is fine. To each their own. But my point is that I get that “”OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN YOU BLASPHEMER!”” reaction, for hating these books.

*Shrugs* Just how it is, I suppose. Either way I love what I love, and I hate what I hate, and no matter how loud the voices of the seas rant that I NEED to love them, try them again, whatever, it won’t change my views on books that I love, and books that I hate.

Great post and one of the reasons I like this website. I can look up reviews about the books and pick the ones that I will like, based on the plot and review. Sometimes it is good to try something new, but like everyone else, free reading time is scarce. I gravitate to what I know I will enjoy reading.

While I sometimes regret not being able to board the Love Train for a specific author, book, or genre, I know it is not a matter of right vs wrong or good vs bad but just a matter of taste. Some things speak to me and others don’t, and I have a very hard time explaining it. I also can’t explain why I love chocolate and Campari and mashed potatoes but don’t like blue cheese or mussels or salad dressing, but for whatever reason we are allowed our quirks in some areas but feel we need to justify ourselves in others.

As someone who really does not like Judith Ivory books (and, while I’m damning myself here in a lot of people’s eyes, thought The Windflower by Tom & Sharon Curtis to be nearly unreadable), I’m grateful to you for pointing out that my preferences don’t equate to my stupidity or lack of taste.

De gustibus non disputandum est — the only Latin tag I bother to know by heart: there’s no arguing with taste.

Thanks for the great post!