TEST
I’m not the same reader I was eleven years ago, when I opened a Susan Johnson book to a random page, saw a word that shocked me to my core, blushed, and dropped the book on the floor. Back then I tended to avoid anything we classified as “burning.” I’ve changed since then, though, and so has the romance industry. Now erotica novels for review arrive on my doorstep routinely; back then, we only ever saw the odd Secrets anthology. And in the intervening years, I feel like I’ve read everything under the sun. So while erotica isn’t really something I seek out, now and then something looks interesting. I decided to try The Duchess, Her Maid, The Groom & Their Lover, thinking at the very least it would be different than my usual fare.
The duchess of the title is Camille, heir to a duchy and married to a real jerk, Michel. She’s spent years with him, unsuccessfully trying to conceive a child (and since she’s been faithful and he has an army of un-pregnant concubines, it’s pretty clear just who’s infertile). Michel likes to demean Camille by beating her and making her watch him have sex with others, taunting her all the while. Over the years, he has restricted her freedom to the point that she never leaves her castle. One day it occurs to her that the writing is on the wall: She needs to get out before Michel has her killed and chooses a young, nubile replacement.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before Camille really decides to escape, she decides that maybe she’ll just get pregnant without the duke’s help. She’s always admired Henri, a groom who is young enough to be her son. She calls him to her chambers, and although he is shocked, he’s aroused enough to give impregnation a good try. Afterward, he vows to help Camille if she should ever need his aid. When she is ready to flee, she calls on him, and he becomes part of her entourage, which also includes her maid, Sylvie, and one of her eunuchs(the other stays behind but plans to join them later).
The basic plan is for Camille to journey to the protectorate of her childhood friend Maxime, where she will regroup and formulate a plan to oust Michel and take back her duchy. The entourage makes their way to Maxime’s, stopping in inns and a brothel along the way, and encountering various dangers. After they arrive at Maxime’s they confer with him and his advisers, and return to Camille’s duchy in triumph.
None of this is really the point of the book. The point of the book is sex. Lots of sex, lots of ways, with everyone. All the other details are more or less window dressing, placed there to serve as backdrops for the sex. It actually took me awhile to really get this. Maybe I’m more like the naive Johnson-book-dropping reviewer than I thought, because I spent the whole first half of the book wondering where and when exactly the book was supposed to be taking place. I was sure it had to be France, because everyone had French names. Finally it occurred to me that France was not exactly overflowing with eunuchs, and that the book was actually taking place in a fantasy duchy/country/whatever. The point was not the story or the plot, and the country didn’t matter. After I figured that out, I wondered whether I should keep a chart of who had slept with whom. I considered it seriously, but there were all types of encounters that wouldn’t even have fit on the chart. Henri sleeps with Camille and Sylvie, and the bathhouse girl, and an innkeeper’s wife. Camille sleeps with Henri, and Sylvie, and Maxime, and her eunuchs (don’t ask), and this one guy at an inn one time. Sylvie basically does everyone. Actually, with all the fucking going on, I wasn’t even sure who “their lover” (of the title) was. Maxime, who didn’t sleep with everyone? Bathhouse girl? The eunuchs? That one guy at the brothel? After giving it some thought, I’m pretty sure it should have been The Duchess, her Maid, the Groom and Their LOVERS.
I wouldn’t say I had a problem with the sex. Clearly, it’s not all plain vanilla; there’s bondage, three ways, and anal stimulation (something for everyone…literally). Some of these scenes are kind of fun in a guilty pleasure kind of way. The language is certainly frank, which didn’t particularly bother me (although I doubt I’ll ever like the word c_nt, which happens to be the same word that had me dropping the Johnson book on the floor). As an aside, Janssen makes frequent use of the word “quim,” which I think deserves to see a comeback (no pun intended). Not as vulgar as c_nt or pussy – both of which have been tainted because of their frequent use as insults – and not as clinical as vagina, quim is a word that should be reprised.
There were a couple of fundamental ways that the book just didn’t work for me. The first was that I just couldn’t get into the scenario or believe in the danger. Perhaps it was related to the sex. If you really think you’re about to be killed, do you think that’s the time to start exploring your sexuality in a serious way? Or stop in a brothel to get tutored in the finer points of S&M/eunuch sex? All the sex when they were supposedly on the run just defied logic. At some level, we all know that we need to suspend our disbelief, but if you can’t get carried away in the story, the pesky details start to take on more importance.
The bigger problem for me was that the book had the wrong hero. If you’ve ever heard Suzanne Brockmann speak, you’ve probably heard her talk on Han Solo, and how her heroes all have a little bit of him in their personalities. She generally starts out by saying that at the beginning of Star Wars, you start out thinking Luke is pretty cute and interesting – until you see Han Solo, and then all of the sudden it’s “Luke who?” Well, that’s precisely how I felt about Maxime. While the story is more or less linear, there are periodic flashbacks. Camille’s flashbacks about Maxime and her awakening sexuality are interesting, titillating, and even a little romantic. When you meet Maxime, the book gets even better; he just oozes charisma and sex appeal. But instead of going with the super-hot Han Solo type, Camille ends up with Henri. The groom. The younger, puppy-dog-like groom. In other words, Luke. Bleh. Maybe that’s someone’s fantasy, but it sure isn’t mine.
Any review is subjective, but I think erotica is more so. It’s hard to say what’s going to float someone’s boat. As for me, I liked parts of this, but I like a little more story with my sex, and I like the heroine to end up with the sexier, more interesting guy. Your mileage may vary.
Grade: C
Book Type: Erotica
Sensuality: Burning
Review Date: 15/01/09
Publication Date: 2008
I've been at AAR since dinosaurs roamed the Internet. I've been a Reviewer, Reviews Editor, Managing Editor, Publisher, and Blogger. Oh, and Advertising Corodinator. Right now I'm taking a step back to concentrate on kids, new husband, and new job in law...but I'll still keep my toe in the romance waters.
Related Reviews
Recent Comments …
Yep
This sounds delightful! I’m grabbing it, thanks
excellent book: interesting, funny dialogs, deep understanding of each character, interesting secondary characters, and also sexy.
I don’t think anyone expects you to post UK prices – it’s just a shame that such a great sale…
I’m sorry about that. We don’t have any way to post British prices as an American based site.
I have several of her books on my TBR and after reading this am moving them up the pile.