TEST
You know you’re in trouble when there’s a glaring mistake in the cover blurb. That’s right, the back cover text has a typo in it; something I’ve never ever seen before. Well, that says a little about the editor I guess, but I still held out hope for the book itself. By the end of the first chapter, I was ready to rate this book an F and have done with it, but I trudged on through and eventually, it made enough sense to raise the grade a bit. To an F+.
Tracy Wilson is a beautiful young widow and realtor in Atlanta. She loved her late husband, and has basically avoided men since his death. When she meets handsome Evan Maxwell, she finds him attractive, but with his good looks, she’s certain he must have a gaggle of women that he’s just not telling her about.
Evan Maxwell approaches Tracy when an old enemy, Frank Johnson, tells Evan that he’ll destroy Evan’s budding computer business if Evan doesn’t retrieve a misplaced diamond necklace from Tracy. Tracy had bought a bag of junk jewelry on her vacation in the Bahamas and doesn’t realize she has the valuable heirloom in her possession.
The rest of the story involves Evan trying to get the necklace from Tracy without actually telling her what he’s after. He finds her attractive and wants to get to know her, but every time he intends to ask about the jewelry, he’s interrupted. In clinical terms, this is referred to as adornmentus interruptus but is more commonly known as stupidis plottus devicus. Frank Johnson starts getting upset and decides to take matters into his own hands.
Frank arranges to have Tracy kidnapped so he can get the necklace back from her, but she’s already given it away, then gotten it back, then given it to Evan who tried to call Frank, but Frank wasn’t home and didn’t listen to his voicemail, so he’s captured Tracy so he can get the necklace back … wait, this is where I came in.
Aside from the inane plot, bland characters, and complete lack of humor, this book jumped all over the place. Most scenes don’t move the plot forward. The characters don’t walk or move or even breath. They speak and suddenly, the scene changes and they’re somewhere else. Visual elements are odd as well and there are enough mixed metaphors to choke a bird in the hand. “Tracy Wilson sauntered up the sidewalk, her yellow thong sandals fluttering lightly against the cracked cement.” If my sandals ever flutter, I’m going to need a fly swatter. “Adults and children mingled on the front lawn, dressed in an array of colors. Their attire appeared to contrast with their radiant personalities.” Say again? Was the lawn dressed in an array of colors? And how does that “contrast”? Perhaps “appeared to compliment …” would have made more sense.
There’s more: “A hollow laugh rose from the pit of Frank Johnson’s stomach, gravitated to his throat, and slipped past his lips, echoing against the unpainted walls…” I tried to imagine this happening to a person and decided his internal organs must be double-jointed. And there’s the mysterious thief who is mentioned over and over again in the story, and yet never materializes. “A thief was on the loose [in Atlanta], terrorizing the city. The authorities warned men and women to be careful, because the thief was considered armed and dangerous.” What else would he be?
And then there’s Tracy. Beautiful, vapid, nervous, paranoid Tracy. This is one heroine who looks out for Number One. When Evan asks her out to dinner soon after they meet, her response is, “I don’t intend to turn into one of your statistics, Mr. Maxwell.” Like wow, she just met him. Later, when he tells her he used to be a pirate but he never actually robbed or shot anybody, he just watched (don’t ask), her response is, “I don’t want anything to happen to me.” Then, “I love you too, but I can’t live my life thinking that I may be harmed because of something that happened to you years ago.” Wait, there’s more, “And because I was your lover, I was kidnapped.” Me, me, me. She claims to love Evan, but never once is concerned for his well-being.
Oh, wait, there’s one more. Frank tries to convince Tracy that Evan is still a pirate (don’t ask). After telling Evan she loves him, sleeping with him, being with him, giving up the image of her late husband for him, her response to Frank’s obvious deception is, “Tracy didn’t want to believe him. But Evan knew a lot about the ocean …”
The two brief love scenes are uninspired, the sexual tension is not a happening thing at all. There is a scene where Tracy defends herself from Frank that’s simply absurd. I only finished the book so I could write this review, and I’ve left more out than you can possibly imagine. I don’t blame the author as much as I do the editor and publisher. This book is nowhere near a professional work of fiction and somebody, somewhere along the line should have said so.
Grade: F
Book Type: Contemporary Romance
Sensuality: Subtle
Review Date: 12/04/01
Publication Date: 2001
Related Reviews
Recent Comments …
Yep
This sounds delightful! I’m grabbing it, thanks
excellent book: interesting, funny dialogs, deep understanding of each character, interesting secondary characters, and also sexy.
I don’t think anyone expects you to post UK prices – it’s just a shame that such a great sale…
I’m sorry about that. We don’t have any way to post British prices as an American based site.
I have several of her books on my TBR and after reading this am moving them up the pile.