Adultery – The Great Romance Taboo
Before I get to actual books, I have to begin with celebrity gossip, about a very famous German soccer player. Some time ago, while she was pregnant with their second child, he left his wife of many years and very publicly fell for a much younger blonde. He dated this younger woman for several years, yet never divorced his wife, spending part of his holidays with her and their children every year. Last year, the relationship with his girlfriend came to an end, and since then he has been accompanied by his wife to public appearances. Though it is not confirmed they are together again, the public – including the yellow press – wishes them well and applauds their effort at reconciliation. This reconciliation is, in fact, considered romantic.
And if you think there might be a double standard at work here, listen to my second case: An heiress to one of the big German industrial fortunes, married with three children, fell victim to a professional con man. She had an affair with him and then was blackmailed to pay several millions, until his demands became outrageous, and she went to the police. This caused a first-rate scandal, but the blackmailer was arrested. The lady and her husband have spoken very little to the press, but it is known that he supported his wife, and it is assumed they are giving their marriage another chance. Again, the adultery itself is not condoned by the public, but it is not seen in absolute terms; the fact that two people who have seen their marriage in terrible straits are trying to mend it meets with general approval and even the occasional romantic sigh.
How would these couples fare in a printed romance? Would their attempts at reconciliation after one partner committed adultery in a spectacularly public fashion elicit approval from readers, or would it appear their love was irredeemably tainted, and that the partner who was betrayed should find true love somewhere else? Would we let them have their HEA?
While numerous romances out there deal with marriages at some point of crisis, outright adultery is a red flag for a number of readers. On a recent list on the AAR Potpourri Forum about “Situations you avoid” in a romance, several readers named infidelity as a big no-no. And I can think of comparatively few romances where a couple gets a believable HEA after adultery.
One example is The Counterfeit Betrothal by Mary Balogh. Miles and Olivia married for love when very young, but in a drunken moment he is dragged along into a brothel by some friends, and his wife hears about that and throws him out. Fourteen years later, their daughter instigates a scheme that will force her parents to meet again, and it is only now that we and Olivia understand that Miles never slept with anyone that night, although he did have an affair for a limited period of time during the long years of their separation. In this romance, adultery is regarded as such a horrible betrayal by Olivia, but also to Miles, that the end of their relationship is felt to be the appropriate result. Looking at their situation realistically, there is comparatively little she has to forgive him for, and Mary Balogh makes clear that not talking to each other about what happened is the true reason for their estrangement, and in fact more devastating than the adultery as such.
In Eloisa James’s Your Wicked Ways, Helene and Rees eloped to Gretna Green because they were so deeply in love, but soon their different attitudes towards life (and some bad sex) put a great strain on their happiness, and they separated. Nine years into the marriage, at the beginning of the novel, Helene is as straitlaced as ever she was, while Rees pursues a Bohemian lifestyle, live-in mistress included. As in The Counterfeit Betrothal, Helene is able to forgive her husband as she grows to understand their natures better, and this is aided by the fact that although he did indeed betray their marriage vows, he was not quite what his reputation suggested.
The newest Eloisa James novel, This Duchess of Mine, will feature a couple that have been separated for years, with both partners committing adultery at some point. As the story of the Duke and Duchess of Beaumont has been central to the Desperate Duchesses series from the start, we already know a great deal about their relationship. Jemma’s and Elijah’s marriage was arranged, but they were very fond of each other nevertheless, and very happy, until one day Jemma caught her husband with his mistress, whom he hadn’t given up because he believed a nobleman entitled to both a wife and mistress. Jemma left him and lived in Paris for many years, earning a scandalous reputation with her many liaisons. Because he needs an heir, Elijah finally asked her to return, and they have slowly gotten accustomed to each other again. At the end of the last novel in the series, When the Duke Comes Home, Jemma is finally ready to enter into marital relations once more. While Elijah’s betrayal is undisputed, we already know that Jemma did not sleep with all her admirers and in fact permitted her reputation to appear worse to punish him. I do hope we won’t find she was faithful to him all those years, and only pretended to have affairs, as there are so very few unfaithful wives in romance, and here infidelity makes the couple equals in an intriguing manner. I am looking forward very much to reading This Duchess of Mine!
Why would I find romances featuring love after adultery to be, well, romantic? Undoubtedly adultery is an act of betrayal, and one I hope I will never have to face in my own life. On the other hand, love represents our greatest power of forgiveness, and the kind of love that doesn’t give up in the face of terrible difficulties, the kind of relationship that is so precious that it’s worth fighting for even if the hurt has been dreadful moves me when I read it. And I’m not talking serial adulterers or philanderers here – I’m talking people who may even mean well but stepped horribly wrong, and who now, with the help of love, make a true new start. That amazing power makes for a very moving story, and when done well, it’s very much worth reading and considering as romance.
-Rike Horstmann
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Wonderful writing! I think you have really touched on some valid points and I agree with you on many aspects. It’s been a great pleasure.
I read historical romances for the fairy tale HEA. Adultery will definitely kill a story for me and I steer far far away from those books. In real life as well as in fiction, I don’t see how one can trust the other person again after breaking the most sacred vow. Forever in the back of the mind is the question of is he/she cheating again. Let’s not forget the consequences of infidelity…disease and children. Call it double standard, but, a heroine that commits adultery is rather tough to forgive. I guess I feel this way because the woman is the “”stronger”” partner of the relationship.
Oops, forgot to mention: ROSEMARY ROGERS was one of my favorites back in the 70’s!! I used to read a good 10-12 books a week.
I don’t think reading the internet is the same thing but oh, well . . .change is good. HAROLD ROBBINS — one of the very best… I used to literally WAIT for his next book!!
THE EXAMINING MAGISTRATE — quoted here from: http://www.americanliterature.com/Chekhov/Chekhov.html.
Very Interesting points made in this short story….
“”And which came first, her husband’s infidelity or her idea of dying?””
“”Not likely, not likely she would poison herself! . . . it’s impossible. She forgave him at the time.”” “”That she forgave it quickly means that she had something bad in her mind. Young wives do not forgive quickly.””
“”Not likely, not likely,”” he went on. “”No notion of anything of the sort being possible ever entered into my head. . . . And besides . . . he was not so much to blame as it seems. . . .
He was unfaithful to her in rather a queer way, with no desire to be; he came home at night somewhat elevated, wanted to make love to somebody, his wife was in an interesting condition . . .
then he came across a lady who had come to stay for three days — damnation take her — an empty-headed creature, silly and not good-looking. It couldn’t be reckoned as an infidelity. His wife looked at it in that way herself and soon . . . forgave it.
Nothing more was said about it. . . .”” “”Yes, yes . . . it was very shortly after that incident that she began talking of death. Yes, yes.””
“”People don’t die without a reason,”” said the doctor. “”That is so, of course, but all the same . . . I cannot admit that she poisoned herself. And indeed, it cannot be that she poisoned herself! No!””
The examining magistrate pondered. The thought of the woman who had died so strangely haunted him all through the inquest. On the way back, the examining magistrate seemed to the doctor to be overcome with fatigue, as though he had been climbing up a high mountain.
He stopped and, looking at the doctor with a strange look in his eyes, as though he were drunk, said:
“”My God, if your theory is correct, why it’s. . .. it was cruel, inhuman! She poisoned herself to punish some one else! Why? Was the sin so great? Oh, my God! And why did you make me a present of this damnable idea, doctor!””
The examining magistrate clutched at his head in despair, and went on:
“”What I have told you was about my own wife, about myself. Oh, my God! I was to blame, I wounded her, but can it have been easier to die than to forgive? That’s typical feminine logic — cruel, merciless logic. Oh, even then when she was living she was cruel! I recall it all now! It’s all clear to me now!””
The new idea the doctor had imparted to him seemed to have overwhelmed him, to have poisoned him; he was distracted, shattered in body and soul, and when he got back to the town he said good-bye to the doctor, declining the dinner invitation he had accepted earlier in the day.
Certainly historically, adultery by men was much more condoned (and actually, to some degree by married women who had provided heirs.) On the other hand, adultery still presented two big hazards–illegitimate children, and disease. These could be mitigated by taking precautions, but they couldn’t necessarily prevented altogether.
I find books that at least recognize this as an issue to be much more compelling–even where the the H and H didn’t marry for love.
And I think Mary Balogh has done the best job of any author I know of exploring the ramifications of these situations…in very compelling ways. The obedient wife is a great example….
One more, although the adultery was in the past. Nita Abrams, The Spy’s Reward. Nathan Meyer and Abigail are a mature couple (he with two children grown and married; she with a daughter in her late teens). After being widowed childless, she remarried to her husband’s brother. Later, to force her alcoholic second husband to divorce her, she hired a male prostitute and had sex with him while her maid arranged for her husband’s family to find her in flagrante. She tells this forthrightly to Nathan, whose response is, basically, “”we all do what we have to do, and sometimes it’s not pleasant.””
Thanks, Virginia, these are a number of title I will look up! Like other in this thread said, contemporaries in which a couple finds their HEA after one partner committed adultery are hard to find. Thanks also to others for their recommendations!
Another historical with adultery comes to mind — Wendy Burge, Love Me Again.
I did a quick google and found these titles. I make no guarantee that I turned all of them up.
Everlasting Love (Harlequin):
Elizabeth Blackwell, The Letter
Laura Abbot, Stranger at the Door
Tara Taylor Quinn, The Night We Met
Jean Brashear, The Way Home
Laura Caldwell, The Rome Affair (MIRA; mutual adultery)
“”I do hope we won’t find she was faithful to him all those years, and only pretended to have affairs, as there are so very few unfaithful wives in romance, and here infidelity makes the couple equals in an intriguing manner.””
Unfortunately, I have little doubt that is exactly the way the book will go.
The thing is, so many readers will defend such heroes with the “”it’s historically accurate!”” arguement; yet the same readers would probably have a stroke if the heroine did the same thing. People like to ignore the fact that in those days, aristocratic wives often strayed as well, especially after giving hubby his heir (and spare). Marriages weren’t often for love.
But no, heroines with straying husbands must hide in the country, put on a chastity belt, and confine themselves to feeding the masses and adopting puppies.
Even when the heroine cheats WITH the hero, it’s because her husband is an Evil Villain, wife-beater, puppy-kicker, etc.
I don’t mind reading a plot with infildelity as a major component if not central them; unfortunately, I have had to help heal a cousin and an in-law because of a cheating spouse. The reactions of the 2 real life women had started off the same: first intense anger, then admitting to crushing hurt feelings, only after the exact same starting reactions did the differences between the 2 women became apparent. One became obsessed almost to the point of stalking the cheating spouse….it became nearly a contest to ‘defeat’ the other woman. This is where I see Elizabeth Edwards as a result of that interview: she is determined that other woman WILL NOT WIN.
The other real life woman much more quickly accepted ‘reality’ (within a year) and realized that a phase of her life had ended and that the future could be anything and include anyone…she relished starting over once the acceptance set in.
There are plots galore in the full range of human experiences…….but happiness? I would so choose the way the second woman whom I know handled the situation……the other way is destructive and pointless….happiness is the best revenge.
In regard to contemporaries, I remember that at least three of the Harlequin Everlasting Love books showed infidelity during the marriage (at least once by the wife) with subsequent reconciliation. I’d have to check the blurbs, but adultery definitely made up one plot element. There were also a couple of “”near misses”” or what some people call emotional adultery in various books in that line.
Hmm. Tough subject. I don’t read romances for real-life situations (which is why I tend to avoid contemporaries), so adultery/infidelity doesn’t bother me when handled well by an author I can respect and appreciate. LaVyrle Spencer comes to mind, with her novels Bittersweet, Twice Loved, and The Fulfillment. In fact, with some of the historicals, the recriminations offered by the offended party can yank me out of the story, because it seems that the author is walking too far over the line of modern sensibilities.
Having said that, it’s not something I go looking for, either! I wouldn’t purposely read a novel because it had those themes, but I wouldn’t necessarily cross it off my list, either.
I find that I have a personal double standard at work here. I don’t understand why women don’t leave their cheating husbands. Yet I find the stories in which a husband forgives a wife who has strayed soooooo romantic.
Why, I ask myself?
Is it because it’s my impression that men who do it tend to do it serially, i.e., no cure for a roving eye, and that women do it because they fall madly in love with the other person?
I think I’m wrong for having this double standard but that’s how I feel, strongly.
I haven’t come across this trope in romantic fiction but I am really glad to know it’s out there and I shall look out for these titles. I’m interested to note that the examples you cite are all in the historical fiction subcategory and I do wonder if there are any similar examples in contemporary fiction? Judging from the negative comments here, I’d guess even fewer.
I’m glad to know that people are writing these stories, though, because it does remind people in this situation that they have a choice. Adultery is clearly a devastating act and a great betrayal of promises. But the one betrayed does have a choice. They may decide that that’s it, even if they can forgive, the relationship can’t be restored and the trust can’t be rebuilt. Or they may choose to stay and work at it and overcome the breakdown of trust and intimacy. Every couple and every situation is different, and the kneejerk reaction of ‘It’s all over’ isn’t always the right one.
I often ask myself why infidelity is such a big taboo with me – I haven’t (I think) experienced it within my marriage, but I will not read a book with the H/h unfaithful to one another.
I want to distinguish between infidelity between and adultery.
In ‘A secret pearl’ by Balogh, the H was married when he had sex with the h, but the situation made it acceptable to me.
So adultery, if the wife/husband is depicted as a bad person, can be acceptable, but infidelity between the hero and heroine is not.
I simply cannot believe that you can trust a person again after having gone through a betrayal. You might make the best of a bad situation, but we’re talking romance here, not RL.
I especially abhor those novels where they seperate, the hero has been having sex with everyone for years, and the heroine is a born again virgin. Maybe, if both partners had gone on with their lives, it would be less ugly?
I agree that in the care of the right author this subject could be addressed. I admit such a novel probably would not be my first choice but good writing transcends a lot. For example, I did read a wonderful book by Mary Jo Putney a few years, The Spiral Path, where the heroine left her husband because she believed he had an affair. It takes a substantial time, if I remember correctly, in the book before she knows that he hadn’t had an affai however he had other very serious issues and Putney’s writing demonstrated the redemptive power of love regardless of the circumstances.
I don’t condone infidelity in real life but I would read about in a novel if it was handled correctly. Just as I don’t condone murder but if there is a murder in a book I would still read it. My library shelf would be very small if it was limited to books that only had actions in them that I agreed with.
I would have to also throw out all of my old Agathie Christie books from when I was a kid…..someone gets killed in almost all of them….
I understand what your saying, D-Dee, but my view is not “”celebrating””. If authors are going to write about it, I’d like to see the other side. The complicated angle of realizing your not w/the right one.
I’m kind of the opposite of JulieE. I never read/watch/listen to anything where cheating on your spouse is celebrated, so a book where H/h were married to other people is one I’d drop. I know I’ve read a few where the wife is married to some cruel monster man and she meets the dashing young hero who will save her from her husband, but it just doesn’t work for me. If they commit adultery and are sorry about it afterward, I wouldn’t mind reading about it. But anything that celebrates adultery just doesn’t work. Those vows mean too much to me. I would never like anyone (in fiction and to some degree, in life) who treated them like they didn’t mean anything at all.
I’m don’t actively seek out books w/infidelity, but I don’t avoid them either. What I’ve always wondered is why aren’t there more books where the H/h are married to other people? That to me seems like it must happen in real life. Think of all the people that marry young or in haste only to realize that it’s totally the wrong person. Remember that old song w/the lyrics “”it’s sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along””? That’s really what I think of when I think of infidelity as having a “”romantic”” element (if that’s possible).
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t condone cheating or infidelity as I was cheated on and it sucks wind big time. Most books that have this plot seem to be from the perspective of a couple that has experienced unfaithfulness by one or both of the partners and then they work it out. I rarely come across stories where the H/h is the other person, etc.
This has been an interesting topic. When I first read “”Desperate Duchesses”” (the first in the series), I liked it, but was very uneasy about the infidelity alluded to. After meeting Jemma in the other novels, I find I really like her. I can’t wait for her story to come out. Her husband has been more fleshed out in the other books, too. Hopefully, they’ve both grown and can forgive the adultery. I think this will work because so many years have passed with them living apart. I hope so.
In real life, I always thought adultery was unpardonable. Get divorced first.
Then pursue other relationships.
Of course, this wasn’t too easy for the aristocracy in Georgian or Regency England.
elainec
I’m one of those readers who has no hard-and-fast taboo topics. I can read about adultery — even in my romance novels — provided that the author provides a context that makes sense to me.
I’m divorced, and while there was no (to the best of my knowledge) adultery on either side, one realization I made after my separation is that the truth of a marriage often lies somewhere in the middle between one person’s POV and the other’s. And unless a person is IN the marriage itself, he/she has no way of knowing enough of the particulars to make judgments about what he/she would do in the situation. On a high level, of course we can all say that we would do this or that. But once confronted with the nuanced reality, maybe those convictions will be re-evaluated.
I know two couples (older than myself) who were married with children. In both cases, the husband cheated — but I don’t know the particulars of the marriage or the problems in those marriages at the time. In both cases, the wives left the husband and they were separated for a time. Then they reconciled, and in both cases the couples are still together, happy, and have marriages that are better now than they were “”the first time around.””
It’s not that I believe in the redemptive power of love. I honestly don’t think I’m that much of a romantic. But I do believe that adultery is a multi-faceted issue, and that people can change, can grow, can learn to forgive, can re-establish their respect for one another. I do think that some people simply ARE meant to be together…that they are, in a very real way, two halves of a whole.
Having said all that, I also think that I have a very pragmatic outlook on life in general. I simply do not see the world in terms of black and white…on any issue. I’m sure that that impacts my attitude toward adultery as well.
One of the things I like about romance is the larger than life love. To me an adultery book brings the romance back into the realm of “”real life”” love. It brings out the nasty little secret that marriage is actually tons of work and that nothing good is ever achieved without a price. More it brings in mind (to me anyway although I know not to everyone) that all men really are islands and the deepest betrayals are inflicted by those closest to us, that the only person you can absolutely trust in a relationship is yourself. That (again, to me) destroys a part of why I read romance — to read about the pure joy in finding that love of a life time and knowing that person would harm themselves before ever harming you. I can never get that sense from a character who commits adultery. I always want to shout at their significant other “”Remember what happened last time you trusted him!””
Skrabs, you bring up an interesting point that I hadn’t thought about. In historicals the reason for marriage was often political/social/economical as you said and arranged by families, so love did not factor into the equation. That may be part of the reason why I am okay with adultery in the beginning of the novel if amends are made and groveling leads to reconcilliation. “”Love”” was not a part of the arrangement for the marriage in the first place and the protagonists are young and often naiive.
Whereas I am less tolerant of adultery in contemps. In contemps love is usually the basis for relationships, and I find it hard to reconcile how a man or woman in love in a relationship of their choosing would look outside the marriage.
Been through it, and it’s an ugly enough situation that I would nowise wish to read about it in the context of “”reconciliation”” of the H/H after one or both returns to the “”marriage””. For me it invalidates the marriage contract and kills the story – unless the offending party goes to extreme lengths (think of the earl wearing a bunny suit and a plug whilst licking the soles of the offended countess’s boots after she’s been wandering aimlessly thru a horse pasture trying to cure the stomach ailments of her favorite geldings) to redeem hisself and is forever after penetent thankyouverymuch.
Proud to say that after I left the skeevy weasel adulterer- I kept my end of the “”contract”” until the ink dried on the final papers and I took my maiden name back.
I wouldn’t tolerate adultery, but if the characters have been living separate lives, then it only makes sense they would have relationships. That said, I would like to see the wife have her share of lovers as well. The estranged marriage plot is one of my favorites, but I look at it much differently because to me both characters have moved on, or have turned away from each other. I don’t view it the same as I would if they are living within the marriage and taking lovers.
I absolutely would not tolerate this in real life, and I always thought it was something that I didn’t like in a romance, but the more I read of this thread the more I realized that I was writing down the names of the books mentioned featuring this theme! I’ve read Marriage Bed, Private Arrangements, Lady Gallant and Your Wicked Ways and the latest E. James sounds really interesting. I like this storyline (now that I’ve thought about it) because for me its the ultimate grovel, usually by the hero. I can handle it if done in a historical because the attitude towards marriage was completely different then and fidelity was not something that was expected. Also marriages were often for political/social/economical alliances, whereas nowadays its more often for love (not always, I’m not that naive). In a contemp I believe I would struggle with it more.
It’s often a very interesting storyline in terms of what the protagonists have to overcome to get their HEA. The problem’s not that easy to fix and there’s so much an author can do with this theme, if she’s a good author. I also agree that if done poorly then I want the hero to rot in hell (or heroine, but its most often the hero!).
I think what matters to me is the placement of the infidelity in the story. I’ve read books where I have invested some emotion into the love story, then the man (usually) will commit infidelity. So, I’m the one that is upset and usually there isn’t enough time in the book to work things out. Elizabeth Stuart’s “”The Bride of the Lion”” is a prime example of infidelity in a book that I hate. I had a hard time shaking that one and I don’t care if the other woman looked just like the heroine.
On the other hand, I like romance books where the infidelity is there in the beginning and they have the whole book to bring about a HEA.
In regard to adultery by the wife, I think authors used to be more willing to take the risk than now. Joan Wolf, A Kind of Honor (Signet Regency Romance, 1980) not only had the heroine commit adultery in her husbands own house, but she had her HEA with her lover rather than with her husband.
Evelyn Berckman’s A Finger to Her Lips (set in a German principality) was more a gothic than a romance, but the princess had committed adultery with an English lover and managed to get into the castle (from which she had been banned after the husband realized that the second boy was a product of her affair), rescue her younger son, and escape to England with him and their child. In the process, she was raped by a stable hand and bore a child from that event as well. The way she realized that her husband knew of the adultery was very cleverly done — as usual with the German nobility of the era, he usually spoke French. During a conversation, he referred to “”mon fils”” rather than to “”mes fils.””
There’s at least one contemporary set in either Harlequin or Silhouette, one of the titles was Luke’s Family but I forget the other, in which when a soldier disappeared, his pregnant fiancee married his brother. Then when, after years and another child, the soldier came back from captivity, she left her husband and returned to him.
“”I’m a bit tired of every single Regency hero planning, as a matter of course, to be faithful to his wife.”” … Good golly Miss Molly! That’s putting the cat among the pigeons, for sure! I guess we need to poll our Regency authors and ask them to address that … because a) you’re saying infidelity was par for the course and b) the authors are presenting it as the “”norm”” — so where’s the middle ground?
I actually think Georgette Heyer had it down pretty accurately — think of Cotillion — Jack was fully prepared to a) marry Kitty if he had to but b) hook up with the lovely, henwitted Olivia concurrently … if you “”read between the lines”” , Georgette was nobody’s fool …
I think that adultery is an incredibly difficult and touchy subject. I’ve found myself with a bit of a sick fascination for some of these books, I think because my visceral reaction to them is so strong. It’s almost like taking a drug! (This is more true when it’s the man who cheats because I can so clearly imagine those feelings of anger and betrayal.)
I actually would love to see a few more books where it’s the wife who cheats, particularly in a historical. (I remember the Mary Jo Putney one from years ago, and more recently there have been the long estrangements where the wife hasn’t been faithful, but that’s very new.)
The Harlequin on-line book was by Kathryn Shay, who has explored adultery in her books on several occasions.
Personally, as I age, I have a greater desire for a bit more truth in my romance novels. I want them to be sweeping love affairs, but I’d like to see the horrible things that people sometimes do to the ones we love as well. (Not in a Diana Palmer way ridiculous way, but in a more deeper, hurtful, true life manner.)
I am a bit tired of every single regency hero planning, as a matter of course, to be faithful to his wife. This is not to say that I want the book to end without fidelity, I’m just a bit tired of the modern sensibilities being thrown into the heads of these characters. It rings so incredibly hollow, and it seems to cheapen the very act of choosing to be faithful at a time when this wasn’t something understood to be ideal or important.
Jenn
I don’t find adultery to be an incredibly taboo issue in romances- when done right. I find it more tolerable when 1. the couple had already been separated or 2. the married couple doesn’t love each other yet (they might feel an attraction or a possessiveness about the other, but not love-they’re at the stage where they’d hurt their love to save their pride).
Adultery is a more common real life issue than we think. I remember reading up on a survey that an average 20% of married individuals have committed adultery (i think it was like 15% for women and 25% for men). That is like 1 in 5. And not all of them end up divorcing. I remembering reading an article where a girl’s bf/fiance cheated on her. Though it was tough for a long while, they loved each other. The guy really loved her, was sorry, and was begging for her to take him back. He showed his sincerity by humbly submitting himself to her checking up on him constantly (he understand that she needed to do this), until she can rebuild her trust in him again. It would be nice to see how romances deal with such a real-world obstacle and still give a believable HEA. I applaud authors for taking such a challenge-especially when it’s done really well.
I’m really excited for Elijah and Jemma’s book. Like you, I hope they don’t end up having Jemma be a faithful wife after all. Geez, at least have her have at least 1 extramarital encounter. It will totally ruin the series for me to have her to be faithful puppy after what Elijah did. What I really liked about the couple is that they fight fire with fire- not fire with fake flames. Like you said, they’re equal in power. I love EJ’s Your Wicked Ways, and I am putting a lot of faith in her to make Elijah and Jemma’s book even more amazing.
And not just Dancing with Clara — The Obedient Bride — that’s a really fascinating tale of the toll adultery takes on a relationship: thought Mary Balogh handled that really well. Precious Jewel — when Priss has left him, and he goes back to the brothel where he met her for a “”brief encounter”” — is that adultery? It certainly feels that way to him. First book: where the husband “”thinks”” he’s committing adultery but the masked woman is really his wife (don’t ask) — is he committing adultery? Well yeah, he is.
Blanking out on the title but the Balogh set in the industrial Victorian days — with the husband who literally comes back from the dead: he had always been unfaithful to his wife (altho he makes the ultimate sacrifice in the end to guarantee her HEA).
Great column — I think in the right hands it can be terrific — that being said, the Guhrke was not a keeper for me.
Well, as to “”expectations”” of marital fidelity, after all, when an English nobleman such as Elijah in the Eloisa James series married, the solicitors of both families had spent months working out arrangements to guarantee that when he stood at the altar and said, “”with all my worldly goods I thee endow,”” he certainly wouldn’t be meaning it — that’s what entails, strict settlements, jointure instead of dower, and other elaborate legal provisions were intended to achieve. Given that circumstance, is there any particular reason the man should have expected that he should take “”forsaking all others”” any more seriously?
In Balogh’s Dancing with Clara, there is also acute adultery. In The Counterfeit Betrothal, IIRC, Marcus did commit adultery on that one instance, but his long-standing friendship with Mary (later heroine in The Notorious Rake) during the separation had been platonic.
The issue of adultery has certainly been a touchy one in discussions of Sherry Thomas’ Private Arrangements and Guhrke’s The Marriage Bed, in addition to the books already mentioned.
I enjoyed and agree with this article except for this statement about Elijah Beaumont: “”he believed a nobleman entitled to both a wife and mistress.”” I didn’t get the feeling that he felt entitled. He had this mistress for years, felt affection and perhaps responsibility for her, and then was required to make an arranged marriage to a stranger. Because he was swept up in the excitement and importance of his political role, he didn’t get to know his new wife. He was not ready for marriage, his father was a terrible role model as a husband, and he unthinkingly continued his routine with the mistress. Once confronted with his wife’s reaction, he pensioned off the mistress and has been faithful to his wife ever since.
I don’t think Beaumont realized that his wife would expect him to “”forsake all others”” (an expectation no modern man could miss). Elijah and Jemma are both facinating, intelligent, endearing characters and now that they know and understand each other, neither would ever betray the other. Can’t wait for their book–This Duchess of Mine!
Many years ago, back in the mid 80s, Daphne Clair wrote a Harlequin Presents that featured the wife who cheated on her husband, but it was only one encounter. I think that’s a workable scenario, while a long term affair that lasts for months is much less forgivable due to the level of deceit required. However, in historical romances, when the hero and heroine separate for many years, does that really constitute cheating? People who live separately and stay apart for years don’t have a real marriage (military spouses, etc. notwithstanding, of course!).
I avoid infidelity storylines as much as possible. I understand there can be many reasons for reconciliation, but I can’t stand the lack of respect…the cheater for the spouse and the cheated upon spouse for themselves. Kick him/her to the curb…you deserve better.
Rike, this is a great column! I totally agree that if the infidelity it handled correctly by a skillfull writer, that it adds a dimension to the story. And in some ways it even adds to the romance, if the hero and heroine make mistakes and date other people outside the relationship and realize that they did something horribly wrong and that the H/h are the only ones that they are destined to be with.
As long as I have my happy ending!!
It’s all about the execution. I’m not married, but I find marriage fascinating, and try my best to dissect it through fiction because it’s such a different state of being when compared to being single, or even just dating. An entirely different set of emotions come into play, a different set of reactions, or actions, or interactions. I would be horrified if my mate cheated on me, but when you really look at the situation, cheating isn’t just so cut and dry, you’re a dog/slut type of thing. The John Edwards situation is something that is interesting to me–the united front for the sake of a political career–and money and power (same with the Clintons). How much of a toll does that take on both the husband and the wife? Yes we can say if you love someone you’d never cheat, and I do hold that opinion, but without that experience, you can’t begin to imagine what it is like inside of that marriage. So I don’t find adultery the ultimate taboo, it must be handled correctly IMO.
I don’t think I would be able to forgive adultery.
Interesting topic. I love to read the free mini romances on Harlequin’s website. A couple years back, one of them was about infidelity. While the ending was less than believable (not enough character development), the interesting thing of it was the way the infidelity was described. She did it with a coworker after they (she and coworker) did not get a promotion. She was horrified and upset and insisted they confess. His wife took him back and her husband threw her out. And still, she was looked at as the bad guy in it all.
Ultimately, it depends on how the author handles it and the circumstances surrounding the infidelity. An oops! I really really know that I fouled up, please let’s try to do fix this is not the same as an well, you know pretty much everyone cheats these days.
Unfaithfulness does not turn me from reading a book – fiction or non. In fact, I think I would be inclined to read a romance with this premise. I want to see if the author can pull it out and make the reader believe that trust can be reestablished. I have a couple of friends who have successful marriages (over 20 years now) after such an incident but it took a whole lot of work.
But overall, I think in the world of romance, this would indeed be very difficult to pull off successfully and that, IMHO, is probably why there are not more out there.
For me, adultery is almost an automatic avoid if I know before I begin a book. When I unknowingly start a book that has adultery in it I know its coming a mile away. I have read only one book where I found the hero to be redeemable but I still felt the heroine was weak for giving in.
The issue of adultery is pretty absolute for me. I spent many years watching my father cheat on my mother and saw what it did to her. Trust is fragile, and once it is broken, it takes a near act of God to mend. I see very little gray concerning this issue.
For me, it would depend on how the situation is handled. If the hero really does repent and genuinely works to regain the heroine’s trust, I can see how love really might conquer all. I don’t doubt that some authors could do this in truly moving fashion. It’s where the hero is unrepentant or, as in one romance I read, the heroine takes back the hero even after he tells her that he cannot promise he will be faithful. Supposedly that couple makes a blissful cameo in a later book in that series, but the resolution of the original romance did not really work well for me. I need HEA, not “”happy for now””.
It has also come out in the Duchess series that Elijah gave up his mistress shortly after Jemma found them together, I believe. So maybe he had begun to redeem himself? And of course now he believes he will die young so he is an even more sympathetic character. Eloisa will handle it beautifully as always.
Speaking of Elizabeth Edwards…I think…(not sure) she is on Oprah today. Apparently, no question is off limits, which in itself, seems a little weird.
I think every case/situation is different. Until you are yourself in a situation where you contemplate/””commit”” (it’s NOT a crime, for heaven sake unless you live in certain cultures) adultery, then you can’t judge another person and what brings them to make that particular choice. Sometimes it works out very well; sometimes it is devastating but I recall the saying “”walk a mile in my moccasins””. I had an affair after 9 unhappy years of marriage and yes, reader, I married him and am still divinely happy and celebrating a 30th wedding anniversary this year. I tend to think you can’t always judge another person when you have no knowledge yourself of their particular circumstances, whatever those might be. For example, I never wanted children (and neither did either husband) but others judge me when they can’t possibly live in my head and understand how I feel.