TEST
(NOTE: This book was previously published in 1993 as The Princess and the Barbarian)
It’s interesting how a person’s keeper shelf can change over time. When I was fourteen, Betina Krahn’s The Princess and the Barbarian was one of my favorite tales, kept alongside Johanna Lindsay and Catherine Coulter. I’ve still got a number of Krahns on my shelf, including this one, republished by Zebra this month as Three Nights with the Princess. Though upon re-reading it, it’s probably going to be joining my Lindsays and Coulters at the used book store.
Thera of Aric, Crown Princess of Mercia – a fictional and magically pristine kingdom close to Brittany – has endured a series of unsuitable suitors with growing annoyance. She must marry to fully claim her crown because her kingdom is bound by the rules of heteronormativity I mean Celtic laws that require a sacred balancing of the male and female, but Thera isn’t here for this whole co-ruling/balancing of the yin and yang thing. She wants to rule alone, which is why she’s been putting off her marriage for so long. She finds her latest prospect repulsive, and in a show of rebellion takes her friend Countess Lillith and heads out the back door of the palace kitchen and into a nearby town with light escort. There, Thera is immediately exposed to the big cruel world outside of Mercia, where she demands a group of barbarians release a maiden they insist upon raping while sacking the village – which only leads to her discovery and immediate kidnapping.
Saxxe Rouen is a mercenary/journeyman warrior who desperately wants to settle down in one place after years of travel. He and his buddy Gasquar LeBruit save Thera and Lillith from assault and kidnapping at the hands of a Mongol-Slav, and immediately feels lust as he undoes the bindings of her clothing. She won’t tell him where he can claim his reward, he demands a kiss, their senses are scorched… y’know where this is going. Thera realizes that she needs to leave the city, which is being overwhelmed by the Mongol-Slavs, and – you guessed it – along the way runs into yet another rapine threat. Cue Saxxe running to the rescue. Instead of a kiss, he demands she sleep with him. Thera agrees, if he’ll dump her on the nearest road to Brittany the next morning. But Thera manages to hold him off – and steal his horses in the morning. The pattern repeats itself, and soon Thera is in hock to Saxxe for another night of hopefully orgasmic bliss. She sleeps beside Saxxe for two nights, and is bound to him for three more by the time they finally reach Mercia. The foursome travel slowly back to Mercia, encountering danger and lust along the way. When they finally reach Thera’s kingdom, she’s slept next to Saxxe for three nights and is in debt for four more – which means their partnership falls under the strictures of Mercia’s seven-night marriage law. Who will be in debt, who will be conquered – and who will be tamed – by the end?
You know from the names, the themes and quotes like “You would rather quench your firey lance in a woman’s sweet well, aye?” what kind of story you’re in for here. Yep. We’re definitely back in the early nineties here, and bodices are being ripped left and right.
The characters are super cartoonish. Thera does All of Those Things that TSTL heroines did in ye olden bodice rippers so that the hero has to rescue her; ‘spunky’ translates to ‘angry and stubborn’ in her case, so she’s always wandering into situations she’s unprepared for, and Saxxe, who always uses her helplessness/nudity to leverage sex out of her, happily takes advantage of that fact. Again. And Again. Seriously, take a shot every single time she gets kidnapped – you’ll go into a coma before the book ends.
Our hero is the kind of man who listens to a woman’s screaming in amusement until it hits the danger point of four screams – which means she must be a victim of violence. He’s just a prince – well, compared to the rest of the men in the novel, though I will give his companion Gasquar points for being occasionally humorous with his tall tales. He also hates Mongol-Slavs. (Wanna hear about how much he hates Mongol-Slavs?! CAUSE YOU’RE GONNA. A LOT.) There is also awkward commentary on the Spanish Moors and Islam, for those who want some squirmworthy not-quite-racism-but-still-awkward-social-commentary tossed into your 90s throwback novels).
You have read Thera and Saxxe’s relationship a million times before. He manipulates her into bed and tames her shrew. She complains and fights but keeps getting herself into danger, which gives her a case of the old meltypants. In between, they act like two children who can’t communicate without pushing each other’s buttons. Somehow this makes her a better woman, the yin and yang of the cosmos balances out because orgasms and soaring fireworks, etc., etc. The imbalance on Saxxe’s side is so obvious that the author actually pulls out third act whisper-talking about a prophecy that shall doom them all if Thera marries Saxxe. And then there’s all of the coded gender men-and-women-must-balance-one-another-weapons-good-sex-good-peace-and-female-leadership-weak-and-bad stuff that’s going on in the periphery of the narrative, which is extremely outmoded and antiquated. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want my heroes and heroines to actually like one another before touching their various parts together, and for them not to have to obey strict gender codes.
If you’re still into this old-fashioned stuff you may enjoy revisiting this book (which, yes dear reader, was RITA nominated) much more than I did. I, however, have improved since 1993. So has Ms. Krahn. The book, sadly, has not.
Buy it at: Amazon/Barnes & Noble/iBooks/Kobo
Grade: D-
Book Type: Historical Romance
Sensuality: Warm
Review Date: 29/09/18
Publication Date: 09/2018
Recent Comments …
Yep
This sounds delightful! I’m grabbing it, thanks
excellent book: interesting, funny dialogs, deep understanding of each character, interesting secondary characters, and also sexy.
I don’t think anyone expects you to post UK prices – it’s just a shame that such a great sale…
I’m sorry about that. We don’t have any way to post British prices as an American based site.
I have several of her books on my TBR and after reading this am moving them up the pile.
Lisa Fernandes is a writer, reviewer and recapper who lives somewhere on the East Coast. Formerly employed by Firefox.org and Next Projection, she also currently contributes to Women Write About Comics. Read her blog at http://thatbouviergirl.blogspot.com/, follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/thatbouviergirl or contribute to her Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/MissyvsEvilDead or her Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/missmelbouvier
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Mercia made up about half of England from around 600-900 AD, and had an actual female ruler (Athelflaed) for around 20 years. She was a warrior queen who maintained power even after her husband died, and once led an army to bail her brother out (who ruled another chunk of England). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%86thelfl%C3%A6d She had almost fanatical support of the Mercians. Fascinating woman, but I think I’ll pass on the Bettina Krahn version of Mercia (although I confess she was a guilty pleasure for me as well back in the day!)
Well heck, Google failed me RE Mercia’s actual existence! As Elaine noted, it’s apparently not as close to France (Krahn’s version almost literally plants it IN France) as it is in the book. I sense that Athelflaed was Krahn’s prototype for Thera but she had to make it work in Old Skool Romancelandia, thus!
Reading the setup I hoped that Thera and Lillith would run off together, fall in love and screw over the patriarchy (literally and figuratively).
Vintage romance has let me down.
I wanted that so badly too!
Wow, Lisa! I thought the only smell in a romance novel was musty if it had been hidden our of reach on the top book shelf for too many years. I like the thought of my reading material having an appropriate scent. Maybe vanilla for Mills & Boon or coffee and cinnamon for a contemporary or maybe armpits and cigarettes for the more racy thrillers. Or latrines and horse-poo for historicals?
HAH!
I know Krahn’s romances were always perfumed with satire (if I remember right, her Scottish border lord romances were particularly satirically funny – YMMV at this point) but considering the era the novel was released in, and the fact that it’s not being sold as satirical or humorous at all hints to me that she wasn’t kidding around in this one. But you might wanna check it out and compare yourself!
Hmmm. I read this years ago and found it a hilariously satirical romance, much in the manner of Chase’s Lord of Scoundrels. In fact, Krahn’s 80s and 90s romances always had an edge of satire to them.
I know Krahn’s romances were always perfumed with satire (if I remember right, her Scottish border lord romances were particularly satirically funny – YMMV at this point) but considering the era the novel was released in, and the fact that it’s not being sold as satirical or humorous at all hints to me that she wasn’t kidding around in this one. But you might wanna check it out and compare yourself!
The part about the number of screams made this sound like a bizarre parody of the Night’s Watch custom in Game of Thrones, where two blasts on the horn mean wildlings and three blasts mean White Walkers. Except here it’s three screams = LOL, but four screams = save the woman from violence?
Yep, Our Hero and his friend are literally sitting in a cafe listening to the screams and going “ahaha, she’s being well rogered!” Another scream. “Or being deservedly beaten!” another scream. “OH NO RAPINE!”
Mercia was one of the most powerful of the English Anglo-Saxon kingdoms, not in France – that’s #1. Gasquar LeBruit? That made me laugh, #2. Gasquar The Noise. Charming. Loved your funny review, Lisa. Thanks!
YEP. I have no idea why the town’s that close to Brittany in this novel, but it is. Glad you like my review!