The Dark Highlander : All About Romance %

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Time Travel Romance

The Dark Highlander

By Karen Marie Moning

Buy on Amazon

TEST

Och, lass, I have more problems than praise for The Dark Highlander; in fact, I have virtually no praise at all. Whatever success this author attained in terms of decent imagery or interesting detail was lost on a hero and heroine who had me gritting my teeth in irritation by the middle of the book. Even so, I was willing to go with a C- for the most part – until I hit the first love scene. That alone dropped the grade to a D. Then, the obscure and puzzling resolution brought it down another half-grade. Thank god the book ended when it did. A few more pages, and I’d be hitching up the trailer and moving to F-ville.

The Dark Highlander is fifth in a series devoted to the MacKeltars, a family of time-traveling, magical Scotsmen doing battle with evil Druids from centuries past. If you didn’t read any of the previous books, you are going to be at a loss as to half the stuff that goes on in this latest escapade. Kiss of the Highlander offered Drustan MacKeltar’s story, and precedes The Dark Highlander which features Drustan’s identical twin, Dageus. Apparently, the previous book sets this one up to the point where I was totally confused much of the time as to who all the players were and how they were connected. However, the gist here is that Dageus did something in the previous book to save Drustan’s life, but whatever it was, it was a cosmic no-no, and now Dageus is “dark.”

Okay, so what does it mean to be “dark?” Och, it means that Dageus carries around in his own soul the souls of thirteen (twelve male and one female), 4,000 year old entities who try constantly to sway him over to the dark side so the Draghar can return to earth. This would be bad. The only way Dageus can stave off these demons that tear at him constantly is to have sex (wouldn’t you just know). Lots and lots of sex. Sex up one side and down the other. Sex with anything that moves. And not just any kind of sex … hot, rough, demanding, head-banging, wall-shaking, window-rattling, name-screaming sex (sounds like the neighbors I used to have). In fact, the story opens (after two [count them, two]) cryptic prologues, with Dageus having sex with some woman whom the reader never sees again, but who details this sex for the reader just so we’ll know how hot Dageus is and how he’s the life of every woman’s party. Every woman in New York is after Dageus – he spoils them for all other men.

Our heroine, Chloe Zanders, is a student of Celtic antiquities who meets the unaccountably wealthy Dageus after she waltzes into his unlocked Manhattan penthouse to deliver an ancient manuscript, and digs around under his bed (can you believe it?) until she accidentally comes across a few priceless, ancient, recently stolen Celtic manuscripts, and oodles of empty condom wrappers – for the Extra Large Man. Dageus returns, see her butt sticking out from under his bed, and realizes she is The One (this is so like how I, too, met my husband it’s uncanny).

Also tossed into the pot are an ancient Druid queen (whose name I canna pronounce), some guy named Adam Black (who must have been in the other books because I have no idea what he was doing in this one), the Tuatha Dé Danaan, Dageus’ brother, sister-in-law, father, step-mother, a standing-stone-bridge-between-centuries, a couple of guys who want to kill Dageus and release the demons within him . . . all this, and I was still bored out of my skull. Why? Because Dageus is so Alpha and “Chloe-lass” is so irritating, I couldn’t root for them either individually or as a couple, and I didn’t give a hoot what happened to them. Dageus reminded me of one of those he-man, super-warrior dolls – all exaggerated, puffed-up and muscle-bound, with long, dark hair, an ever-present scowl, and completely, totally, 100% plastic.

Chloe got on my nerves the minute she was introduced, and never got off them. Some heroines are like that and Zanders (as she constantly refers to herself), is one of them. She snoops where she doesn’t belong, and has a thoroughly unlikable personality. She has a great body and is young and virginal, so I guess that’s good enough for Dageus who eventually falls in love with her, but I can’t honestly tell you why.

As for Dageus, he’s Mr. All-Sex-All-The-Time and that got old fast. Because Chloe is a virgin, he doesn’t want to scare her with his ardor, so he puts off having sex with her until three-fourths of the way through the book. Then, they have a strange encounter on an airplane (to relieve the tension), but the thing that really bothered me was their first actual sex scene (I refuse to call it a love scene, because, och, no love is involved). I canna tell you what happens because it would be a spoiler, but I found it distasteful, unrealistic, and capable of culmination only by skilled contortionists. After Chloe is basically de-flowered, she and Dageus have lots and lots of sex for the remainder of the book, ye ken. I cannot imagine why Chloe falls in love with Dageus, other than the Extra Large Man thing, and since I didn’t care for either character, I didn’t enjoy their love scenes at all.

Another major problem with the book is the ending. The book builds up the expectation that Dageus will have to face the bad guys in order to overcome them and get his own soul back. Again, I canna do a spoiler here, but, talk about a let down! The author does a total cop-out at this point, and violates the show-don’t-tell rule in a major way. (But, the good news is, Chloe and Dageus have a few more pages in which to have a little more sex before you rip the book to shreds after having wasted the last two weeks trying to wade through 370 pages of boredom. Or was that just me?) I could not believe what I was reading . . . or not reading, as it were.

Also, the author pulled a little stunt that took me right out of the story and had me shaking my head (again). Chloe unpacks clothing that Dageus brings her from her apartment. On the top of the pile is Chloe’s “favorite” romance novel, Kiss of the Highlander, which is Dunstan’s story. What? Chloe comments on how much she loves romance novels, and that one in particular. I guess that was supposed to be cute or something, but I thought it was truly tacky.

I guess if you’re a fan of this series, you are going to like The Dark Highlander a whole lot better than I did. As far as recommending it, I’m sorry to say, I canna and I doona.