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It’s a rare thing for me to say I don’t think a book was even worth $1.99. I mean, that’s a cheap book, not much of an investment. But Bind Me Before You Go is just that awful. It was only 132 pages and I couldn’t even make myself finish the book. Save that money and go buy a Snickers bar. You’ll be left far more satisfied.
So Cassidy is about to collapse into bed after a long day of work when her roommate is all “Hey, wanna go to this sex club?” (Not an actual quote). I’ve had several roommates and none have ever invited me to tag along while they hung out a selective BDSM club, which is a good thing, because that’s an insane thing to ask someone to do. But Cassidy thinks her life is too boring and she needs to spice it up…with a sex club. I might start by taking some interesting classes, go hiking, something like that, but Cassidy thinks a sex club is the obvious choice to add some interest to her life, so she goes. Except, not really, because she isn’t permitted to enter the club like her friend is so she gets ditched in bar. Now, if my friend invited me to a sex club and I went, but all I got to do was sit in the bar, I would be pretty pissed. What’s the point of going to a sex club if you have to wait outside while your friend gets hogtied? (Note: it never really says she gets hogtied, I’m just embellishing).
While Cassidy is waiting she meets David, who, of course, finds her instantly irresistible and decides she is the perfect woman for him and his fantasies. He decides all that before learning her name. David is rich (I assume, because he has a huge house/apartment in New York) from doing…a job? I don’t what the hell his career was supposed to be. Something about security, or the military, or something. Kincaid should have just said “he was rich because he has an alpha-male job that makes him a bad boy and did I mention rich?”
So Cassidy and David hit it off and are drenching their panties with arousal within about a minute so, even though they are in a sex club they go back to her apartment to make out. Why the change in location? I guess because Cassidy isn’t allowed in the super exclusive sex club (this is the Harvard of sex clubs), even alongside David who is buddies with the owner, or because Kincaid needed more for her word count.
Here is where things really derailed for me. David is into shibari. Like, really, really, really into shibari. It’s like all he thinks about. If you’re not into Japanese sex kinks, shibari is a type of rope bondage. And David thinks it the perfect way to have sex and decides (based on nothing) that Cassidy is the perfect bondage partner for his fetish. The first time they are about to hook up, their hot-and-heavy session is interrupted by David being called to the club to teach shibari. So he is a rich alpha security military something by day and by night he teaches people how to tie up their lovers in this very complicated and specific fashion. Right… Can David just say, “Hey, I was about to get it on with this lady here, can I take a raincheck?” No! Because he is the only person teaching shibari the way he does it.
I want you to just let that soak in. David was called for a bondage emergency because he’s the Mr. Miyagi of rope bondage. Try not to roll your eyes so hard that you lose consciousness, because there’s more.
Once they get to the club Cassidy, who only an hour before hadn’t decided whether to ever even call David again, is now enflamed with jealousy over the thought of him demonstrating shibari with someone else. She volunteers to be his assistant so she can have him all to herself…in front of a crowd of people…butt naked…with her labia spread open by rope, as Kincaid informs us. Talk about jumping into the deep end. She is even disappointed that he didn’t screw her in front of the whole room.
Who are you? Where is the character that was nervous and boring like seventy pages ago? Cassidy’s personality jumps around so randomly you’ll get whiplash (and not the good kind I assume you can get at the super exclusive sex club).
Around the time that David was taking Cassidy to a restaurant where he also knows the owner (this guy has a varied friends group) and setting up a spur-of-the-moment exclusive blindfolded dining experience, and revealing that he speaks a third language, I was ready for someone to blindfold me and bind my hands so I wouldn’t have to finish reading this terrible book. At the sixty percent mark I just gave up and decided to not finish reading this mess.
I didn’t finish this book, but honestly: Take your money, buy some chocolate, and pick up something decent (in quality, but still naughty) to read instead. If sex clubs are your thing, I recommend the Open Invitation books by Jasmine Haynes. Nice and steamy, plus you won’t want to smack your head against a table at how ridiculous they are.
Grade: F
Book Type: Contemporary Romance
Sensuality: Hot
Review Date: 21/08/15
Publication Date: 2015/07
Recent Comments …
Yep
This sounds delightful! I’m grabbing it, thanks
excellent book: interesting, funny dialogs, deep understanding of each character, interesting secondary characters, and also sexy.
I don’t think anyone expects you to post UK prices – it’s just a shame that such a great sale…
I’m sorry about that. We don’t have any way to post British prices as an American based site.
I have several of her books on my TBR and after reading this am moving them up the pile.
Haley K is a librarian-of-all-trades, book reviewer, writer, perpetual student, as well as a pretty crafty chick. She lives in Texas with too many pets and too little sleep.
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Laughed so hard I cried. I pity the poor romance novelists trying to turn the latest fetish into romance, but not as much as I pity the reviewer who had to slug through this book!
Haley, you are a stitch! I’ll go buy that Snickers.