the ask@AAR: Is there too much sex in romance for you?
My daughter has a romance book club–this makes me so happy–and the next book they’re discussing is Anne Calhoun’s Uncommon Passion. After reading it, she said she liked it but she was distracted by all the sex scenes. (The book was written in 2013.) Calhoun always went–wonderfully in this reader’s opinion–heavy on the sex scenes unlike many of her contemporaries (Shalvis, Milan, Kantra, Mayberry for example). Today, however, sex scenes in romance novels are often more plentiful and more detailed. Many readers expect to know exactly what happens behind closed doors (or in carriages, public buildings, convertibles, and alleyways….)
Do you? How much heat do you like in your romances? And can there be too much sex? If so, why? And, as usuals, I’d love specific examples!
I grew up on the Signet line of Regencies which had a lot less sex in them than other romances, but I was in awe of the authors who could get deep sensuality and intimacy into their stories… without sex! So I don’t worry about how much sex there is, but how well is it written, does it take me along for the ride, or do I feel like I got dropped in the bedroom without a parachute. Like Marie Rose, I’ll skim over a lackluster sex scene. I want to get to the true intimacy part.
I enjoy romance at all heat levels, but I would say that some sex scenes do seem to be only there to take up space or fulfill reader expectations. This especially annoys me in some historicals — like other commenters have said, in contexts where premarital sex is a big deal especially for women, I have to be really convinced that those particular characters would do it anyway. The main thing I want in a sex scene is for it to feel true to the characters and their relationship, not like you could change the names and insert it into any other romance without changing anything.
Well said, beezley!
This is one reason I love the sex scenes in Uncommon Passion. They are all integral to the relationship. I just reread–for comfort–I Kissed an Earl. It’s a masterpiece of how to use sex scenes in an historical romance.
Fun question! I’ve enjoyed reading other commenters’ answers so far. Here’s my take on the topic:
First, I agree with everyone who’s said that what constitutes “too much sex” largely depends upon the context. Like Caz, I find poorly thought-out sex scenes particularly distracting and phoned-in during a lot of romantic suspense titles. If the characters are in a situation where they are literally running for their lives, that is not the time for nookie no matter how sexy it is. Now, if the leads find themselves in a motel room or secluded cabin away from the action? Sure, go for it- in naughty detail, if you please. The Harlequin Intrigue Navy SEAL Newlywed by Elle James, for example, did a good job of integrating the sex scenes within a romantic suspense setting. The two leads have to pose as newlyweds to infiltrate a drug cartel, so they have plenty of opportunities for sexy times without simultaneously dodging bullets. Nico Rosso’s Harlequin Intrigue duology Renegade Protector and Undercover Justice also strike an appropriate balance between sex and action. I recommend all three as they are a bit steamier than some of Harlequin Intrigue’s more recent offerings.
Second, I generally like my romances to have at least a “warm” rating according to AAR’s rubric. While I am currently enjoying some Harlequin Love Inspired Suspense titles because of their action-packed, pulpy plots, I’m not really reading them for the romances so much as for the thriller aspects. So the total lack of sex doesn’t bother me. But when I’m reading something that’s romance-centered, closing the bedroom door feels like build-up without payoff.
Third, while I enjoy steamy HRs, I want them to at least be somewhat plausible. There are definitely cases where premarital sex make sense for the characters and setting, but a lot of m/f stories read false in the sex department. The hero and heroine ditch the chaperone and pose as newlyweds at an inn for a forbidden tryst? Doesn’t the 18th century titled heroine know how incredibly risky her plan is!? Personally, I don’t mind slow burns and would actually prefer if they waited until the wedding night. Heck, I think some sexy HR epilogues are in order instead of the blissfully happy heroine scurrying around the hearth, entertaining her six rug rats that she suddenly wanted because… reasons. Anyway, I enjoyed the sex scenes in the Harlequin HR A Marriage Deal with the Outlaw, a Western by Harper St. George. Because the heroine is on her way to medical school, she has a clue about bedroom matters but still experiences a lot of joy when her knowledge is no longer theoretical.
Fourth, I don’t think sex scenes are too sexy so much as they have become too repetitive and standard. I’m not saying the characters need to be swinging from the chandeliers to shake things up a bit, but does this HR sex pattern look familiar to you? Fingering on heroine (induces first orgasm)-> cunnilingus (heroine “shatters”) -> the good old PIV (heroine has at least two orgasms that “send her to the heavens and back”) -> fellatio -> more PIV. Never mind that oral sex may not have been a well-regarded act in certain times and places. (I’m not saying it wasn’t done, but there were cultural stigmas.) Moreover, isn’t it just magical that the heroine always comes from penetration? And I have yet to see a single example of intercrural sex in an m/m HR, even though at times it may have been more common than today’s obligatory anal scenes. Maybe as an erotica writer, I’m a bit more critical of sameness and tired industry standards in sex scenes. Who knows?
In short, yay sexy romances! But make sure they are sexy, unique, and make sense for the particular story being told.
P.S. I’m all for bedroom communication and showing consent, but lately a lot of authors have been overdoing the verbal affirmations as in, “May I touch you here…? And here…? How about here…?” Ugh… That is generally not sexy! What’s next, a written contract?
I find that my appreciation of sex scenes depends on my mood going into the story. Lately I’ve found myself skimming through sex scenes to get to the plot and continue the story. This wouldn’t have been the case a few years ago. So I think that my tastes have changed, or I’ve just read so many romances with so many sex scenes that sometimes I get bored with them.
This is me as well.
Maria Rose-I feel exactly the same way. I find that I am usually skimming sex scenes to look for dialogue.
Yep, same here. Less really is more in some cases.
I’m going to echo what many people already said in that I’m fine from anything from subtle all the way to erotica- it just depends on the writing.
The latest Penny Reid release had really sexy scenes with palpable attraction between the two main characters from the minute they met. I was riveted by their story even though they don’t actually have “traditional sex/intercourse” until the latter part of the book. The chemistry just leapt off the page even in parts where they were just talking.
Same with the newest Lisa Kleypas, I totally bought into their instant attraction and connection.
I’ve read a few of Kristen Ashley’s latest and it’s gotten to the point where the sex scenes are so boring to me I actually skim them (and I am someone who likes a hot book). Not because I’m offended, but because I don’t feel any heart in them and they seem mechanical, describing positions but not generating any heat between the two main characters. They are about as steamy to me now as the heroine describing the hero’s kitchen appliances and bath towels.
I grew up on the largely “sexless”, closed door, implied sex scenes of romantic suspense authors like Barbara Michaels, Victoria Holt and others and worked my way up to “real” romance stories with explicit (though that’s a relative term) sex in them. So I enjoy it all really, as long as it’s well written and I know what I am getting.
Personally, I would never say that there is too much sex in romance. What is too much for one person might be not enough for another. Like many of you, it is important to me that feelings of connection, caring and love are developed, and that it not be mechanical, clinical sex. Sometimes the problem is sex coming too soon in the story. I’m kind of old-fashioned that way, especially when it comes to m/f historicals where women really had to guard their hearts and their virginity or risk being “ruined.” I have a hard time buying romances where lusty young virgins have sex before marriage, and the duke marries them anyway, unless they are very comedic, as in Tessa Dare’s romances.
Yet I have enjoyed m/m historicals where the sex preceded the romance. Does that make me a sexist or a realist? KJ Charles’ Think of England comes to mind.
When it comes to contemporaries, I have to reevaluate my thinking in light of some of my recent reading. I’ve just finished Alexis Hall’s Spires series, and most of those stories began with one night stands. To me, a one night stand is not romantic. It is sex, but not romance. And the heroes all had issues they were acting out, which to me is not a good start to a relationship, so I began the stories with a healthy dose of skepticism. And yet, in the gifted hands of Hall, these one night stands kicked off love stories with lots of good, romantic, and emotionally resonant sex. And when I am invested in the couple and enjoy their relationship, then that is an integral expression of their love for one another, and I’m happy to read those scenes as well as any other.
This is so true. I post on a discussion board for writers, and we’ve had some impassioned (no pun intended) debates about whether or not to include sex scenes in our work. Once, someone claimed explicit scenes were unnecessary because if the characters were going to have sex, the story could just cut to them eating breakfast together the next morning to show they’d enjoyed their night together.
This writer had posted elsewhere about a work in progress which included a scene describing the murder of a character. So I asked if that story couldn’t just cut to the character’s funeral to show he’d been murdered.
I never did get an answer to that one.
Good for you! It’s interesting how many people choose to read thrillers with graphic scenes of violence, yet they would rather not read explicit sex scenes between consenting adults in a romance novel where an HEA is assured.
I grew up in Dubai, so there was a lot of censorship of TV and movies. If a married couple kissed goodbye before the husband left for work, the kiss was censored. But if the couple had pulled out Uzis and gunned each other down, we could see every drop of blood, no problem!
Another time, a writer on that message board posted to say that her characters were like her friends. You wouldn’t spy on your friends while they were having sex, would you?
Well, no. But I also wouldn’t describe my friends’ painful experiences or humiliating mistakes to any stranger out there, yet isn’t that what we do to our characters when we write and publish?
I’m fine with authors choosing not to write sex scenes because they’re not comfortable with such scenes. That’s totally valid. But some writers try to rationalize it further, and that’s when their reasons become… interesting.
Isn’t that also true of TV and movies, though? People are okay with watching people getting blown up or brutally murdered, but two consenting adults enjoying themselves in the bedroom? Oh, no, we don’t want anything so depraved on our screens!!
You are so right! And yet, I would rather read about people making love rather than watch it. When I watch a TV or film romance, I am all too aware that those are actors who may not even like each other going through an orchestrated dance, and it really doesn’t feel romantic to me. My brain just won’t let go of the fact that it’s totally fake, yet while reading a novel, I’m able to lose myself in the story. So I’m a reader rather than a watcher of lovemaking scenes.
I’ve been arguing for years that entertainment that is OK with mass murder and not oral sex is f*cked up.
I watched the 2nd episode of Ted Lasso last night, and there was a bit of oral sex in it!
I know! There was some in season one too. But show me those scenes in blockbuster movies…..
Dabney, if you haven’t read this old article already, you’re not alone in your frustrations: Blue Valentine ‘s NC-17: A Tale of Hypocrisy and Sex Negativity | HuffPost.
If you want a whole dissertation on the subject, I highly recommend the documentary This Film is Not Yet Rated. Even though it was made in 2006, the prudishness of the MPAA when it comes to consensual sex vs extreme violence in American films still rings pretty true. Interestingly enough, they pointed to some examples of older films from the late-1970s/early-1980s that actually got away with more sexually than films in 2006 in terms of lenient ratings and not causing a moral panic. The one example I remember offhand was the elongated cunnilingus scene in Coming Home with Jon Voight and Jane Fonda. Haven’t seen the movie, just the clip in the documentary.
One of my favourite films, Nan, and the scene you refer to was beautiful and taken in context, it was just right. For those of us who got tear gassed protesting the Viet Nam war it was a seminal film. And the soundtrack was terrific.
Glad for the rec, Elaine. I’ve had Coming Home on my TBW list for a while now, largely because of what looked like such a beautiful love scene. I’ll definitely have to check it out now. :-)
By the way, in This Film is Not Yet Rated, they spoke of the scene quite favorably and lamented that it would be so hard to do something like that today (well, in 2006). They definitely respected the subject matter and weren’t prurient about it at all.
Would love to know what you think when you get round to watching it :-)
I saw Coming Home in theaters. I remember walking out and thinking two things:
I’d never seen a sex scene that seemed so about the woman. It was a relevation.
It was a better film than The Deer Hunter which I’d seen a few month earlier.
That was the impression I got just seeing the clip in This Film is Not Yet Rated. In fact, they spent quite a bit of time in the documentary discussing the double standard in films when it comes to male vs female pleasure. In short, they found that female-centric sex scenes were far more likely to be slapped with the dreaded NC-17 rating than male centered ones, even when the scenes were almost identical. Interesting stuff…
I remember something similar regarding the movie “Henry and June”—about Anais Nin’s relationship with Henry Miller and his wife—in that the sex scenes focused on the reactions (and pleasure) of the women. I remember the late, great critic Roger Ebert saying those scenes were bold and revelatory.
Agree! I never liked The Deer Hunter that much though it was definitely a superb film but Coming Home, perhaps because the setting was very close to where I was then living, just seemed so real, so familiar, so much part of my own experiences that it just hit all of my buttons.
Well, I watched Coming Home last night and found it to be a sensitive, thought-provoking piece. It’s one of those movies that I’m still thinking about hours later, just letting it percolate.
I love Luke’s characterization, how we get to follow him as he navigates through the world after losing the use of his legs. It is especially refreshing how the presentation is neither maudlin nor inspiration porn. There’s just something very natural and non-exploitive about it. I was a little unclear on how he afforded that big house with a pool (did he come from money? I’ll have to rewatch the film later to pick up on the details I may have missed), but that’s not the focus of the story anyway.
I also loved Sally’s relationship with Vi- so awesome to see female friendship on screen that is intimate without throwing in lesbian undertones merely for shock value.
I didn’t quite get the impression that Sally was “lonely” enough to drift into an affair. It just sort of seemed to happen. The set-up for why she cheated on Bob could have been a little stronger. I know it’s wartime and her old-fashioned husband’s away, but that little piece of characterization could have been just a tiny bit stronger.
The love scene? Perfect! 10/10. Romance writers need to take some notes on the natural way the characters handle bedroom communication in a fashion that is both considerate and sexy.
So, thanks everyone for pushing Coming Home to the front of my TBW list. It was great.
It has always stayed with me. That ending…. So powerful and sad.
Speaking of Alexis Hall, readers might find a recent blog post of his interesting. He was attempting to answer questions about readers perceptions that the heat level in recent books has dropped. He makes a compelling argument that it hasn’t really changed. I realized that I’ve mentally inserted “heat” in places where he’s implied it but not graphically depicted it on page.
a mini FAQ all about sex – quicunquevult.comquicunquevult.com
I read that, too – it’s really interesting and basically sums up much of what we’re saying here, that is has to be right in the context of the story and characterisation.
I enjoy stories at all levels of heat, from traditional Regencies to outright erotica, but as several people have already said, sex scenes in a romance should serve/advance the romance story. Sex without emotional connection generally doesn’t, though I have read stories with emotionally closed-off or commitment-phobic protagonists where even that does serve the romance. I do recall reading a book within the last year where I thought there were too many sex scenes, but since that downgraded the story for me, I can’t recall for sure the title & author.
One subset of romances relies too much on sex scenes: insta-lust stories. These substitute sex for love. Too much lust without a successfully conveyed emotional and intellectual connection frequently results in a failed romance that didn’t convince me about a HEA ending.
Yes, I think there is too much explicit sex in romance novels. In too many books I have tried to read, there are sex scenes instead of character development and plot. I blame 50 Shades – after the success of that series, it seems as if everyone started putting more graphic sex scenes in their books. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to who say they skip over the sex scenes (as I do) – and when they constitute a big percentage of the text, that means you’re skipping a lot. I love Ilona Andrews, Joanna Bourne, and Georgette Heyer the most – there is just so much story and wonderful banter and yes, sex, but never too much and never gratuitous. One “clit” and I am out of there.
I think you are correct about the impact of 50 Shades; and it galls me to this day that so many people read those books thinking they were reading “a romance” or anything representative of the genre. I don’t believe AAR reviewed it (power search doesn’t find it) but it would probably be rated “hot”. Yet Alexis Hall’s infinitely better “How To Bang a Billionaire” – an actual romance – contained far less on-page sex (AAR rated “warm”).
I read the 50 Shades saga purely out of interest because of the massive publicity, etc., knowing full well going in that it was going to be pretty silly trash and read it for a laugh. Not for one nano-second did I view it as a CR. It was like reading a comic book and it did make me giggle. I also think that graphic sexual scenes had become pretty standard in RF long before the 50 Shades books so in some ways you could view it as a lampoon.
Unfortunately it is the only “romance” millions of people have ever (attempted to) read – just because there was so much buzz about it. No wonder they have a poor opinion of the genre as a whole.
Tommie, Dabney, other posters,
If you are rereading these comments could you suggest a couple of Joanna Bourne books as a starting point please. Since you love Ilona Andrews and Georgette Heyer, as I do, then obviously I need to also read some Joanna Bourne.
Ilona Andrews is my favourite author ( more precisely my favourite writing team) because of the wonderful characters, gripping stories, delightful banter and perfect amount of sex that fits into the storyline and developing relationship and is never gratuitous.
I also love Georgette Heyer for the wonderful characters and terrific banter. There aren’t any sex scenes in her books ( understandable when you consider when she was writing – she died in 1974). However I think she often manages to imply a developing sexual tension between the H/h along with the developing relationship between them.
I agree with other posters who were annoyed when authors inserted sex scenes into romantic suspense stories where the H/ h were clearly in danger/ under fire. I suspect the authors are under instruction to insert more sex scenes. A Harlequin/ Mills & Boon author whom I believe manages to integrate sex scenes into the storyline and as a natural progression in the developing relationship between H/h is Janice Kay Johnson. She has moved from their Super Romance line to the Intrigue line. Both these formats appear to have a longer word count so perhaps this gives authors more opportunity to develop both plot and romance . What I like about JKJ is that the sex scenes happen because the protagonists are attracted to each other and care about each other. I can think of only one instance where JKJ has a sex scene which is a one night stand scenario and that fits into the plot quite naturally.
I have come late to the discussion but want to thank Dabney and all posters for such an interesting discussion.
Ps I see down further in the comments where Lil comments on Joanna Bourne’s The Black Hawk so I’ll start there. Who knows, I may have found a new author to treasure!
Like someone said, it depends on how things are written. Some older books, whether they had sex scenes or not, often convinced me fully of the couple’s romance/feelings because the sexual tension or the little things before they were intimate were so often wonderful, it felt like when the sex happened – sometimes closer to the end of the book – it was so natural, so obvious they had to be together like that, that it was very well done in my opinion.
I’m think about some of my favorite older books by Sandra Brown, Nora Roberts, Barbara Delinsky…
For instance, my favorite by Delinsky is TLC and the main couple only has sex in the last two or three chapters but until then we had several sexual tension scenes where I knew their feelings were changing by how they behaved, how they looked at each other, etc. I know other readers might not agree but to me, this was a very, very well done romance in that regard.
I’ve definitely enjoyed stories where the sexual tension is the most important thing – and if that’s well done, then I’m happy. There may not even be a sex scene – or a very descriptive one – but if the author can make me believe these two people will spontaneously combust when they finally make it to a bed, that, for me, can be just as *fans self* inducing as an actual sex scene. And I think that when – as most of us around here do – we read a lot of romance novels, it’s easy to find them a bit trite (been there, done that – sort of!) and that makes the degree of sexual tension and chemistry between the characters even more important.
I don’t mind sex scenes, but I do want a story in my romances and have read books where the extended sex scenes seem to substitute for a plot. (I can’t tell you which ones specifically because bad books get dumped in my mental trash can.) And there are ho-hum ones that add nothing to the story, just take up space.
I can tell you that I think the best sex scene I ever read was in Jo Bourne’s The Black Hawk between Justine and Hawker. What made it so good wasn’t the sexual detail but the emotional detail—it really mattered. That should be the reason for the sex scene.
I like well written sex scenes and usually prefer books with them. However, I love Georgette Heyer’s books, and have read other closed door romances that I found thoroughly enjoyable, so it’s not a requirement. What is a requirement is good writing and character development. AND, that the sex scenes seem appropriate for the story. I’ve found some of the sex scenes included in the “rom-com” CR’s I’ve read to be jarring. For the funny lighthearted tone of the books, these graphic sex scenes come as an unwelcome surprise. A couple of Jacklie Lau books felt that way, and The Kiss Quotient, and several others.
M/m books, like manjari noted, often have a lot of sex scenes. Often it really works with the story, but there are books where I’ve felt that some could easily been cut, or been closed door, without any way affecting the story.
I have no problem skimming through sex scenes in any genre if I feel they’re superfluous or aren’t very original.
For me, romantic fiction is best when it focuses on human relationships and how they develop; sex is, of course, part of the package. I certainly enjoy reading well-written sex scenes in RF but like nblibgirl, the better the writing the less I obsess over them because the writer generally has created a story with characters of charm and personal attributes that mean I have already focused on the emotional development of a loving relationship. At the risk of going over ancient ground again, I adore Georgette Heyer who rarely goes further than a kiss on the hand but who gave us characters who radiated love and suppressed desire. Mary Balogh and Carla Kelly also can do this though both do include scenes of sexual love.
Dabney asked for examples so here is one with too much sex. I just finished reading a book by a new author, Marita Heck, called Secret Forces. I can’t figure out how I would review it because it is all over the place, filled with crazy impossibilities and events that border on the ridiculous to the point of being fantasy fiction. Because of the story defying reality most of the time, I found the sex scenes just plain irritating. I forgive the writer to a certain extent because she was not, in fact, writing in her native language but it was truly an alphabet soup of FBI, SWAT, DHS, FAA, Secret Service, Navy SEALs, POTUS, FLOTUS, ad infinitum. When you then add on raw sex between virtual strangers, then I just could not see the point. Thriller, erotica, CR? I really don’t know.
One of my favorite how-to books on writing is Stacia Kane’s Be a Sex-Writing Strumpet, so yes, I do enjoy sex scenes in romance. I think they can be great ways to explore the development of a couple’s relationship. They can be cathartic as well, especially if I’ve been waiting for most of the book for them.
Plus, if I’m invested in a couple, and especially if they have an intense emotional connection, I don’t appreciate the door being closed in my face when they finally come together physically. Sometimes this makes me feel the author’s saying that I can look into the couple’s minds and hearts, but why would I want to see their bodies too? *cough*perv*cough*
That said, I agree with Caz that some books have sex scenes that feel unnecessary or in a few cases actively off-putting, e.g. the powerful hero pressures the reluctant heroine into sex, like the recent Marie Force historical I reviewed. With that one, I was so turned off by the setup that it didn’t matter how acrobatic and creative the sex might have been.
There are also a few books with sex scenes where they may be necessary but it’s difficult to suspend disbelief. There’s an AAR review of a historical where the heroine is nine months pregnant and caring for three children as well as traveling during the day, but she manages to have sex all night with the hero. Just reading about her life makes me want to crawl into bed, and not for an all-nighter.
Yes, I reviewed an audiobook recently of a romantic suspense title (quite a good one) that had a terrific storyline and likeable leads with plenty of chemistry, but when it came to the (late on) sex scene (I think there was just the one), there was kissing and making out and clothes coming off, and then SLAM! I’m all for authors writing what they feel comfortable with, but it didn’t make much sense to me; the author obviously had no problems using the usual language for male dangly bits, and honestly, it felt really weird.
One recent series where there wasn’t enough sex was Allie Therin’s Magic in Manhattan. I enjoyed each successive book more than the previous one and gave the final one a fairly high grade, but I never quite felt the truth of the romance, and I honestly believe the author’s decision to fade to black was a lost opportunity to illustrate and build the connection between the two leads.
In general, I don’t think there’s too much sex or even too much explicit sex in romance novels today, but I do notice when the sex scenes seem gratuitous or almost clinical and don’t seem to further the emotional development of the MCs (this isn’t a new problem—just flip through any 40-year-old bodice ripper). I feel sex scenes should reflect the development of the emotional relationship between the couple—and if they do that, they’ve done what they’re supposed to do—no matter how many scenes or how few it takes. I think one writer who does this really well is Kate Canterbary. Her couples (either m/f or m/m) usually progress in stages to sex that involves “insertion,” and each scene reflects the growing emotional intimacy between the characters. In fact, in a couple of her books (THE MAGNOLIA CHRONICLES for m/f, ORIENTATION for m/m), the actual moment where the couple finally have a complete, full on sexual experience with each other is not even shown (I don’t mean the scene is “closed door,” I mean it’s just not there at all—you learn in a later scene that the couple are together and have been having sex in the meantime).
I have certainly said in reviews that a book has contained sex scenes that are unnecessary because they don’t add anything to the story, sex scenes that feel as though they’ve been “shoe-horned in” just for the sake of it, or that have felt like a string of sex scenes with little else going on. In most or all of those cases I think it’s safe to say that I’ve felt that way because the central relationship has been under (or not) developed. We’re talking about romance novels after all, and while there’s an expectation today that most romance novels will contain sex scenes, there is also an expectation that the protagonists will build a relationship – and if I can’t understand why they’re interested in each other outside the bedroom, then I’m unlikely to be interested in reading about what they get up to betweem the sheets. (I’m talking about in the long term; many stories begin with a hook-up based on simple attraction, and those are fine, I’m talking about what happens afterwards.) And I’ve definitely read books where I’ve skipped sex scenes because I’ve become bored with them and want to find out what happens next in the plot!
On the whole though, while I’m not sure I’d agree that romance novels in general contain too much sex these days, I’d certainly say that SOME of them do, because the sex scenes are too frequent (sometimes less is more), poorly integrated or not warranted/supported by the rest of the story.
Uncommon Passion is still on my TBR but from reviews I have read, it is an erotic romance, meaning that sex is part of the main storyline. If correct, that would make it unsurprising that there are a lot of sex scenes.
For myself, I prefer romance novels where the main characters have sex. Based on the AAR system, that would be a “warm” or “hot” rating. I do want the plot to be about the development of the relationship and I think in the best books, the sex scenes show the progression of the emotional connection. I am OK with “slow burn” novels where there are only one or a few sex scenes at the end of the book – what I want the most is to see the characters fall in love.
I have recently been reading a lot of M/M contemporary romance. I feel like the main characters tend to have sex earlier than in M/F contemporaries and maybe more often too. I can’t think of any titles off the top of my head but I do know I have read M/M novels where I felt like the book would have been just as good if some of the sex scenes were cut out.
One interesting example of going the other way is Lauren Layne. I love many of her earlier books, such as the Oxford series, and they have explicit sex scenes. However, in the past few years, she has released multiple books where the sex scenes are behind closed doors and I actually find I don’t enjoy those books as well. However, maybe this is just because that isn’t what I was used to from her.
I think Penny Reid’s Knitting in the City series is an example of the author learning how to write sex scenes better over time and including them maybe due to reader interest and maybe her own comfort level. My copy of the second book (Friends Without Benefits) includes both open door and closed door versions of some of the sex scenes with Penny letting the reader know so they can choose which version they want. By later in the series, all the sex scenes are open door. Her Winston Brothers series, which was started after Knitting in the City, has all explicit sex scenes and I think they are also more plentiful.
I wonder if the amount of sex in current romance novels reflects our society. The Internet has made not only pornography more easily available but just sexual education in general. I think the younger generations have a more frank attitude about sex with less stigma about casual sex. I wouldn’t be surprised if this has affected the content of romance novels. Happily, though, I think the genre has still retained a reasonable variety of heat levels to satisfy a wide range of readers.
I agree with your final point; the prevailing attitude towards sex has definitely increased the heat levels in most romance novels (compared to say, twenty years ago).
Absolutely society has changed what we see in romance novels. I firmly believe Sex And the City was as important as things like Nancy Friday’s books in legitimizing women liking and talking about sex.
Say what you like about the show, characters, and plots the difference between what was acceptable for women to freely talk about before that show and after is almost immeasurable.
For all that I couldn’t make it through 50 Shades of Grey (that writing gave me a headache) it’s probably the most influential “romance” novel of the past 20 years or so. Women I know who never read or admitted to reading a romance novel were posting it in their Facebook page. Let alone the men who picked it up to read. It also expanded the boundaries of what was mainstream “acceptable”.
The plot of 50 Shades didn’t interest me so I never read it but I completely agree with your point about its influence. I also like your point that other forms of media have furthered more frank depictions of sex in our society. With the rise of streaming networks and their lower restrictions, I think the television medium is seeing an increase in more explicit sex scenes as well as more discussion about sex. This is becoming the mainstream, similar to what we are seeing in romance novels, and I don’t feel that is necessarily a bad thing. There are shows where the topics are explored in a thoughtful and real way such as the very good series Sex Education on Netflix. I also enjoyed Normal People on Hulu and Bridgerton on Netflix, both of which have sex as one of the main storylines but I feel in a way that furthers the development of the characters (and both are book adaptations so they are the intersection of books and television!).
I have 23-year-old twin daughters who love, love, love SATC. They say what happens to Carrie & Co. helps them understand their own relationships to the men they’re dating. It’s funny that a show that premiered the week they were born continues to give them advice and comfort about their adult lives.
I also have that copy of Friends with Benefits, and find it interesting that Neanderthal Seeks Human has no sex scenes and that as you mentioned, Penny Reid started to include them later in the series.
I’m going to have to think about specific examples but I do have a general observation for my own purposes: the better the writing, the less I even notice the amount of on-page sex. I don’t look at heat ratings when choosing something to read and the amount of on-page sex doesn’t matter per se. But I do find that my favorites mostly vary from kisses to warm sensuality ratings (although there is a lot of range in the “warm” rating).
I started reading romance in adolescence (at that time I did not believe in the Christian faith, just clarifying that there were no religious motives) behind my feelings.
At 13 I developed before my peers: I had breasts, hips and a “big girl” figure that they envied and the boys looked at … and hated it.
I am a heterosexual woman I have always liked men but at that age I hated my companions:When they talked to me they didn’t look at my face but at my breasts, when I bent down I had to be very careful because they wanted to look at my legs and in physical education I and the other developed girls were the circus that all the boys wanted to look at in our shorts.
Also since then the interest in sex exploded everyone wanted to do it, if you liked someone it meant that you “wanted to do it” and all I wanted was to go hand in hand with a guy and maybe kiss.
Things only got worse as adolescence progressed…So the kind of romance I wanted was one without lust, one that gave me hope that someone would ever look at my face and intellect and not have to fear that he was thinking of undressing me and taking me to bed while he looked at me.
I started with the classics and some youth books (more pre-adolescent level) then I wanted something heavier and more current in romance then … I found some authors of “normal” romance that is; there was graphic sex in the books, I really didn’t like it at all, it all seemed like an accumulation between the couple that finally led to the “big event” sex and also there was more than one scene in the story.
The hero did not differ much in my mind from my peers, he “loved” the heroine, but he spent too much time thinking about her breasts, her body and getting hard! I couldn’t love that.Over time things changed: all the girls developed so I no longer attracted so much attention, I changed schools and my new classmates were men, they were more friendly and respectful.
Then a friend recommended some romance authors and I discovered that books with sex are simply not for me, I read “Devil in Winter” by Lisa Kleypas and I loved the leading couple but I discovered that I just couldn’t connect emotionally in the sex scenes .
Time passed and I discovered that my tastes are simply like this: slow burn, that at least I feel a genuine connection for the couple before they kiss and if at the end of the story their love convinces me, I can see them having sex with love and respect, if I do not connect with the couple then I appreciate not having to see them undress, Scenes behind closed doors may appeal to me, but more than that, my sense of “romance” will wander as soon as they undress and descriptions of breasts, nipples or genitalia appear.
Currently I read “clean” romance, young adult and inspirational romance only that I have to look very carefully because the “normal” in the market today is graphic sex, I mean: if you take a romance book at random it is a 90 % likely to have graphic sex.
But I’m not complaining anyway I have a lot to choose from.
Lilly, thank you for sharing your struggles and viewpoint. What I think is great about the romance genre is that there is enough variety to satisfy all romance readers.
My taste definitely expanded with my own age and interest. I read things now I would have run from as a young teen when I wanted only hand holding, kissing and lots of cuddling. I never read Judy Blume’s “Forever” until recently but I wore the cover off her books like “Are You There God It’s Me Margaret” and “Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself”.
I think that’s why those teen books series like “Starfire” were so important. It was just the right level of romance for my sensibilities at that point in time.
Lilly, There’s an older series you might enjoy by Marion Chesney. It’s the 6 book “A House for the Season” (1986-1988) You’ll have to hunt for it but they’re each a slim, delightful Regency that has romance, tenderness, and a kind cast of characters. Each book covers a year of “The Season” in London with a romance and HEA each time.
I don’t know which of ya’ll recommended them but I’m very happy you did.
I loved Marion Chesney’s regency romances when I read them in the 1980s. I looked them up on Amazon just now and it looks like Marion Chesney was a pseudonym for author M. C. Beaton (the current covers don’t mention the Marion Chesney name). I remember loving her Six Sisters series as well as the House for the Season series.